2011 Resolutions, Revelations and Reinventions. Amen.

Hey you,

Yes, it is that time of year again, time for resolutions. I believe that when I first started blogging, in the winter of 2005-6 (??)...that must be it, that it started around this time of year. I lived in St. Louis, it was cold out, there were margaritas, Jimmy Buffett and there were many a resolution. I would go and dig it for a laugh, but I don't really want to recall that at the moment. The last two years have flown by like the speed of sound and I haven't had much time for resolutions, just baby chasing and sleep. However, I feel that its time for a list again, a to do list if you will, of what I want to do, do more of and do better.

For the record, I am damned excited about the new year. I have big plans (see item 2 below) but won't beat myself up if some of them don't pan out. All you can do is keep swimming. Have you written yours down yet? What are they? Tell me more.

Here we go, Molly's 2011 New Years Resolutions.
1. Try Roller Derby through the month of January, then decide if I can handle the time commitment. If there's one thing I know about myself, its that I am very protective of my personal time.
2. Embrace my inner suburban homesteader by attempting the following overly ambitious things this spring so my family can be more "self sustaining":
A. Make a small box garden in my back yard utilizing materials I already have.
B. Start seedlings utilizing containers from my recycle bin
C. Chickens. You read that right. Chickens. I would like to build a small chicken coop
that can be moved around the yard. I have been researching this for a few years and am
ready to make it a reality.
D. Build a small greenhouse for year round goodies with old wood windows purchased at the ReStore. If you have one of these in your town, go check it out. Awesome if you need things like sinks, doors, old wooden windows to make a chicken coop with.
3. Be even more creative in saving money, making money and living with less shit. I have already taken a load of items to Goodwill this week. More to come. I also sold about $25 in items to a consignment shop earlier this month. I can totally do that again.
4. Be ok with where I live and know that it isn't forever and ever.
5. Be a better partner to my husband and mother to bebe.
6. Be true to myself. The more I do that, the more true I can be to everyone else. I am who I am and although I'm kind of flighty, I do like myself.
7. More country music oldies (currently staring at an iTunes gift card I haven't used...there's some Hank Williams and Kathy Mattea in my future).
8. Hit the road! I had some really successful road trips this year, so I know I can do more in 2011.
9. Be a leader in Nursing school. I'm old and smart, no need to hide in the shadows this time around. Besides, I've had a baby, so I can pretty much do anything now.
10. I would really like to ride a horse this year. Nothing fancy, just a nice ride.
11. Continue to emotionally support my SIL so that she can become independent (and eventually get her own place this year)...and so I can be a ton less judgey. This is something I've been struggling with as of late and I need to do something different. Otherwise, I'll resent her and I love her too much to do that.
12. Be a better dog owner/lover. The baby and large back yard have made me a lazy pet owner. More real walks around the neighborhood. They like those more than anything at all, so they shall have them.
13. I'm a country girl (not a southerner, there is a difference...and I don't mean that ugly) and that has resulted in a bit of an accent. I tend to notice it when I go home... I might not work so hard to choke that down anymore.
14. Less whining and self loathing, more Lebowski. Because everyone needs a little Lebowski now and again. I'm going to file this one under "Spiritual".

Just a massive to-do list, y'all, but I have good a good feeling about this year. Good things are going to happen. Its never too late for a new beginning. Its never to late to start over.

Its 9PM in the Bluegrass state and its about time to go down and fix myself my first New Year's Eve cocktail, which will be a cup of coffee, so I can be awake to watch Snookie drop in the ball for what is sure to be the most white trash New Years ever.

Happy, Slappy New Year, y'all.

Cookies, Love, Perspective

I officially began started vacation yesterday. Daddy and Bebe were off at work and day care and I had the house to myself to do laundry and finish up some cookies. It was nice.

The last week has been a tad stressful and harried, but it was still fun. My parents have been having an adventure helping with all the grandparents and my uncle who recently broke his hip (and subsequently had to have surgery...last week). And one of my aunts who normally comes in from NC is bailing to spend Christmas with her son who doesn't every really have anything to do with this family. Sometimes I hate him for staying away...sometimes I can be more understanding. He has his pretty wife, big house, 4 dogs, job, and he and his wife live it quietly and in their own world. I can kind of respect it, disengaging from memories of former drama forever and ever. I just want us all to be together sometimes, even if I don't really know him anymore. His absence is always felt. However, big love and hugs and lots of laughing coming my way this week and I couldn't be happier about it. I love my family, I am a lucky girl.

I am also lucky in the way of friends. I keep re-realizeing how wonderful, unique, intelligent and caring they all are. All of them. They all bring something important into the fore front for me. Now, if I can just figure out how in the hell to get them all in the same place more often...or you know, my ass to TN.

I everyone a safe and happy Christmas and holiday season. And next month when we all realize that there are a good 2-3 solid months of winter left, we'll break out the Jimmy Buffet and margaritas together.

Love,
Molly

A Poop Story (*Somewhat Graphic)

* Fair warning, somewhat graphic/gross tale below. You've been warned.

Dedicated to James and baby sister.

Yesterday, as I was heating up my lunch, I felt the urge to use the rest room. I thought it would be just a quick pee, but alas, there was a little poop. And it wasn't my normal "almost no wipe giant poop of perfection" either; it was a little messy one. Someone was waiting to use the microwave after me, so I felt a tad rushed. I wiped, washed and then grabbed my food. After eating at my desk, I stood up to go wash my dishes and hands. However, when I stood up, I felt my underwear sticking to my bottom with what felt like a bit of glue. No one was around so I pulled at my ass as if to pull a weggie from deep within. Thats when I knew it wasn't glue...it was poop. I went to the bathroom to see how bad it was. When I got my pants down, I had a lovely smashed terd slightly embedded into my underpants. And it was super stinky! I then had to assess the damage on my bottom. I was a mess up my backside. I did the best I could to clean everything with dry toilet paper. Then I pulled my pants up and went out of the stall to get some warm, wet paper towels. Thankfully my underpants are all microfiber and I was able to almost completely get the poo out of my undies, including the massive stink. Then I carefully washed my bottom. I was able to keep my "shit" together about it and marched from the bathroom with dignity.

The end.

Body Building and Flat Tires....

Hello, its been a while. I've had visitors and have been very busy with work, school and life in general. I've also been starting my training with the Roller Derby team. I'm sore as hell. We had an "off skates" practice last week on campus. It was a full 1.5 hours of push ups, sit ups, lunges, tires, Heisman's, pilates, yoga, etc. It was fun and I kept up. However, the last two days have resulted in my needing to learn how to walk again. My thigh muscles, however bulging and beautiful, make things like going up and down stairs or just standing up really painful. I'm definitely doing a long hot soak tonight, followed by some icy hot. Update: after Saturday's actual on-skates roller derby practice, i've worked most of the pain out and have a few new boo-boos on my ass and sholder. Quickly healing. And although I've lost some weight, I can't seem to ditch this damned flat tire from having the baby a few years ago. Its my mommy curve, I suppose. But eventually, it will need to go.

The SIL was in Memphis last week visiting friends and returned Friday. Upon her return she baby sat petit bebe and then Daddy and I went on a proper date. We did a nice Indian buffet and shopping at the mall. Not too exciting, but it was nice to run away and just be together.

This weekend begins my very long Christmas vacation: 2 full weeks off. Paid. Last one of those for a long while and I'll be savoring every single minute. Most of my Amazon christmas orders arrived yesterday. I await an ebay purchase and need to do a few more things and then I'll be done with that. Just wrapping to do. Then on to Christmas cookies: Chocolate ginger bread and some chocolate dipped short breads.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. More soon.

Use the Force, Molly.

Lots of tough stuff dealt with this week, still working. My husband and I are working on bridging gaps created by time, stress, child-rearing and stress. Did I mention stress? All I know is that having a healthy and long lasting relationship is hard work, but well worth it. Otherwise, everyone would get divorced at least once.

All of this stress seems to have brought the thought of religion into the foray again. I still am 100 percent positive that god doesn't exist. However, I still feel a spiritual pull in some ways. I don't believe in the nothing, there's something out there in the great beyond, the "Force" or whatever.

The status of the world is starting to make me really sad. Politics, politicians, the economy (not just here, but also abroad). Makes me want to move elsewhere, know what I mean? And I totally would if the immigration process wasn't so grueling.

Cheers!

Nervous Breakdown Update

Had a great heart to heart with my old man last night. I also did some homework and baked a loaf of Italian bread. All's well that gets better. And they have to get better.

Keeping Calm and Carrying On,
Molly

Woman on the Verge of Nervous Breakdown.

This weekend was rough.

Saturday, after my sister in law decided to bail on baby sitting for a few hours so she could get a hair cut, I cleaned the house. I decided that I had to take our older car in for an oil change as it desperately needed attention. Daddy had planned a music date with a few new people, so it would be me and Bebe. When I went to start the car the battery was yet again dead. So, Derek helped me jump it and Bebe and I were on our way for what I had hoped would be an afternoon of fun.

I knew they'd give me a long wait time when I dropped off the car at Walmart, but I didn't really have a number in my head. I pulled into the little line of cars at the garage entrance. I decided to turn the car off and then back on to see if it would start. Of course it didn't start so I decided to bite the bullet and buy a battery as well. After waiting on the little guy to come out and check us in for a good 10 minutes, I decided to gather our stuff and Bebe and head on in to get things rolling. 3-4 hours was what he predicted. I signed on the little electronic screen and we were on our way. I had to make a return to Lowes, so I loaded Bebe into her stroller and headed over, as it was right next door. After that, we decided to head to a little shopping center behind Walmart and run into Marshalls and the Dollar Tree for fun. After that sucked (too many rude people, isles too small to maneuver) I decided to make the almost one mile trek to the Mall. Bebe was great in the stroller. We talked and sang on the way over.

When we got to the mall, our first stop was was the play area that is always infested with overly active kids that leap over, under and around. Its Bebe's favorite thing to do at the mall. She climbs and plays with Mama on all of the fun toys. I love watching her around, attempting to flirt with the other kids. She just kind of thoughtfully dives in. We played for a good while and then it was time for a diaper change. The bathroom close by was closed for cleaning, so we went to the cleanest one in the mall in Macy's. This is about the time I lost it. I remember on the way to Macy's, I just felt so alone and tired and had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I could feel the tears coming, but I worked hard to fight it because people were starting to look. Just trying to maneuver around the make-up counters and Christmas crap and the people in the front of the store was maddening. We finally made it in and being able to pick up and hold Bebe for a few seconds was good to steady me. I think she knows when I need her to be on her best. I asked Bebe if she wanted a pretzel or Cupcake, because either way we deserved a treat on this day of days. We decided on a pretzel...because I couldn't find the dang cupcake stand. Bebe was super tired and was sucking the thumb and a little grumpy. After walking almost the entire mall, greasy pretzel and bottle of water in hand, trying to find a chair to rest and eat in, I found a corner right outside Baby gap to stand and eat my pretzel...and cry. Yes, more tears! I was a hot mess. I basically cried off and on all afternoon. We eventually found a bench outside with one spot for my butt to rest before making our 1 mile hike back to Walmart. I let Bebe out of the stroller and she finally had a piece of pretzel and water.

The walk back to Walmart was chilly and windy, but that didn't keep Bebe, giant fuzzy teddy bear in arm, from falling fast asleep on the way. She was beat. Mama was beat but relieved for her to take a nap. We went and sat in the waiting room for a while so she could sleep and so I could rest. I grabbed a few groceries before going back to stand in line to hear what the damage was on the car. Then the best thing happened. The nice check out guy told me that they found a cheaper battery and installed that one. $45 instead of 75, no battery install fee. And, when I turned the key, the car started. We snuggled and watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and shared a pudding cup immediately upon our arrival at home.

The only conclusion I can come to is that my emotional state on Saturday was part chemical, part stress. Its just been building at an incredible rate lately what with money being tight, my job ending, school starting, my husband going back to part time hours and no current full time prospects and the lack of assistance I have on the home front. I do have some, I really do, but not enough. Too much is currently resting on my shoulders and my back is starting to break. I wish I was exaggerating, but when I think about it all and start doing the math, there is no other result but despair and rage. I'm starting to wonder if i need to head back to therapy, but that ultimately won't fix things unless things get better at home. I guess its family meeting time.

The end.

Keep Calm and Carry On, y'all

When I pulled a new checkbook out of the box this morning, I pulled out a register as well. I haven't kept a register in years, probably not since college when I had my first debit card. And let me tell you, I didn't keep it very well. These days I live almost pay check to pay check, so its time to start keeping detailed accounts of the monies we are spending. Primarily using a debit card makes it disappear oh, so quickly. I also have a balance on my credit card that makes me nervous, so I am going to start working harder to avoid using so I can whittle the balance down. It will be tough, but is doable.

I have a big weekend coming up, including shopping and a war on Squirrels. Our house has wood siding and its about 30 years old. It has taken a beating from the weather, etc. Now the squirrels in the neighborhood are trying to make their winter homes there and they've been telling their friends how easy it is to get in through the handy holds they have made. Many of the holes have been patched, but no matter, they just make another...right next to the one you've just patched. Its disheartening. What it comes down to is that we need new siding on two sides of our house. The rest of the house is fine. So on Saturday we will be hosing the siding down with some "critter ridder" spray (it smells like deer piss), patching holes that we can reach and installing a critter ridder device in the attic. I will keep you posted on the results of these pending efforts.

Have a super awesome weekend,
Molly

Time Flies...All the Time

Time has seriously flown by this year. Here we are in freakin' November already. What the H? Last night was election night. It was an bloody race all the way to the finish line. I'm sad, I'm relieved, and I'm scared for what is to come in the next 2 years. I would also like to say that we arrived at our polling place last night at 6:05PM. The polls officially closed at 6:00PM. They wouldn't let us vote and I bawled all the way home. So angry, so heartbroken, inconsolable. Well, that is until Bebe saw me and asked me why "mama sad?" That kid is more amazing to me every day.

Bebe and I are driving to WV Friday evening to visit with the family. We are due for some hugs and visiting time. I just want an excuse to run away with my baby for a few days, laundry be damned. I'll deal with it next week. Sunday I'll return just in time to go to Roller Derby practice. That should be fairly exciting.

3 weeks until the in-laws arrive for Thanksgiving. I think they will be surprised at how much Bebe has changed since they saw her last. She's a real good communicator now and she might even be more adept at the whole potty thing by then (or not). I'm also thinking that this year's celebration will be slightly lower key than last year. Bored? Go read chapters 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Halloween was a blast, but now its time to move into the holiday season. Its my favorite time of year and I am so ready for it. I will be venturing into the wide world of "exterior illumination" this year. I'm putting on my Clark W. Griswold, Jr. hat because I'm finally ready. Lets do this.

Lets go make the yule tide gay, baby,
Molly

Dear Europe

The new "stats" feature on Blogger has allowed me to see where some of my readers are located. It has indicated recent readers from Russia, Spain, Latvia and Slovenia. I would very much like to know how you got to my little blog. Are you trying to find something and can I help you find it? Or are you just surfing the world wide web? If so, I hope you have enjoyed your visit.

Bonafide

I have worked my way through my College of Nursing acceptance to do list. I had to sign up for my background check, do some online HIPAA training, get med records for my immunizations, etc. The real important thing was to deliver my signed letter of intent and check for tuition down payment, which I did Friday afternoon. Its official, I'm going to school. I am finally on my way to being a nurse.

The next big step for me is to tell my boss, which I'm going to do today at our 10:30AM meeting. I'm going to plant a seed for her to let me stay on as a part-timer. If not, a'CNA-ing I shall go. Then I need to get my packet turned in for the scholarship. Honestly, I kind of hope I don't get it so I don't have to be tied down here for another 5 years by force. But then again, I can't say no to free monies. Such a whore for nursing school. :)

In other news: Jeanette Walls is coming to Lexington this week to do a talk/benefit event for the Hope Center. If you haven't read her bio, The Glass Castle, please go do so immediately. Her's is an incredible story and is heartbreaking and inspiring all in one. If I had been an English teacher it would be required reading for middle/high school students.

More to share...later.

Love,
Molly

Grit-ing My Teeth

Hi, my name is Molly and I'm real excited about the Coen brothers' remake of True Grit:

http://www.moviefone.com/movie/true-grit/1430122/trailers

I'm not big on remakes these days. But if this one had to be made, I'm sure as hell glad it was done by these boys. I believe John Wayne would agree.

Have a nice day.

Little Sister

Little Sis has her big recital tonight. Baby girl, we wish you the best and
we'll be with you in spirit.

Live boldly, be courageous and seize the day. You'll always make me proud, no matter what you do. Just keep being you.

Big love,
Sissy

Fortune Cookie

I grabbed a few things from the pantry and threw them in my bag on the way out with Bebe today. One of those things was a fortune cookie from take-out weeks ago. I know Bebe likes them, so there. After our mall adventures, I loaded her into the car and took a moment before heading off to the groceria. I cracked open the fortune cookie, gave her half and I took the rest. It read as follows:

Stop worrying and take a chance. Poignant, no?

I'll take it,

Molly

P.S. Thanks to Little Sister for her wise words. You are right.

Money Sucks or Its Molly's Friday

Yesterday I had a bit of a panic attack about the prospect of going back to school full time, quitting my job and taking on about 70K in debt in two short years, followed by my husband going back to law school and taking on another 30K, at least. Lets punch the numbers:

1. 70,000 (Me) + 30,000 (Hubby) = $100,000 in student loan debt when we currently only have about $5K.
2. Lets pretend that in 5 years my husband and I have both finished school and have successfully obtained jobs in our chosen fields. Not only do we still have a mortgage and car payment (let alone every day living expenses) we have $100,000 in combined student loans to pay down. So have we really improved our living situation? I don't know.
3. I'm scared to take this on at this point in my life. Many of my friends say, "Just do it, its what you want. You'll regret it." That's a real easy thing to say when you don't have a kid to think about. And baby, we do.

In closing: If we both go back to school, we'll both potentially have that career satisfaction thing going for us. I just wish there was a way to do it that wouldn't force us into $100K debt. Which brings us to our next point: There is a school about 20 minutes from my house that has a nights/weekends track nursing program. I'm not real clear on all of the details, but hope to speak to someone today or tomorrow. It might be the solution I'm yearning for. Its a possibility.

Meanwhile, back on the farm: Today is my Friday! Woot! Tomorrow just cleaning and baking and enjoying not being here.

Have a great weekend, nerds!
Molly

Remembering....er Rambling about Christmas

There are a few distinct memories that stick out about Christmas from when I was a little girl. Prepare for rambling...

My dad owns a small construction company and he did bigger projects when I was a little girl, houses, restaurant remodels, etc. So he and mom would usually host a small company Christmas party every year. He'd invite all the boys that worked for him, a few clients, neighbors, friends, family, etc. There would be cold beverages, hot Italian olives, crackers, sliced Italian meats, mom's hot crab dip, one of those cheese balls rolled in pecans and sometimes mom would get this little crock filled with really yummy cheese. She had to order it from a catalog and it was coveted in our house.

I remember the glow of the freshly mopped hardwood floors, lights down low until the guests started showing up, fire in the stone fireplace rolling. Dad would be shined up and in his dress jeans, cowboy boots and nice button up shirt. Mom would have her hair all fixed (blonde, hot rolled and feathered to perfection) and dressed in something casual but festive. The Christmas tree would be completely covered in lights and ornaments and shining in the window. I remember this little candle holder that mom had that was a little stained glass Christmas tree that you set a tea light candle behind. I would just sit and look at that thing. I remember how the light from the candles, tree, etc would reflect off the floors and windows. Such a warm feeling.

I also remember all the preparation at church for the big Christmas play every year. It was always such a nightmare (for our youth leader, Martha) getting the kids to settle down and run through the script. I remember making Chrismons (ornaments) out of white Styrofoam plates cut into shapes and then decorated with silver and gold glitter, pipe cleaners and other shiny things. So sparkley on the tree with white lights. And the advent candles, a new one lit every week at church leading up to Christmas by an individual or family who would read a little reading. Ahhh, and the Christmas cantata by the choir (of all little, old people), led by the fabulous Greta Mae. Some years good, some years not good. There was an older couple in the choir that were operatic and they held them together. There was also the ever dramatic piano player, Laverna. She was a bit up tight, but she could play with religion, flare and more flourishes than you could ever imagine. No one played those old hymns like she could and no one every will.

I remember all of us watching Christmas Vacation about 2-3 times while we put up the tree at home, usually the day right after Christmas. Dad did the lights until I took over in middle or high school. I remember him getting frustrated again and I kicked him out and took over. After that he took over the outside lights. Dad is our exterior illumination expert. He taught me everything I know. Heh.

I remember Grandma and Grandpa's house. They had one of those giant stereo systems that looked like a piece of furniture. It had a record player and an 8 track player hidden in side. She always played this one tape called Christmas Bells or something to that effect. It was so pretty to listen to in the living room. I remember driving up to the house and seeing the little electric candles in the windows. She always used the colored bulbs, very old fashioned. She still does it. She also used to tape this Santa doll to the bottom banister of the stairs. It would constantly get knocked off, but it would always end up back up there with masking tape on the bottom of his black boots. She was very determined. I think she has a new Santa now, but its not the same.

I remember the first year Santa meant anything to my little sister. When I was little, my ass was up at 5am to see if Santa had come and what I got under the tree. So of course, I was sure that she'd be all up in that as well. Nowadays, my sister is known far and wide as a "heavy sleeper" (see comatose), so it took a bit if rousing. But she was into it once we were down stairs. It was magic. I can't wait to see Lilly's eyes this year on Christmas morning. But I promise I won't wake her up at 5AM.

I hate to admit it, but this year was the first time I started to imagine what it would be like to have Christmas in my own house. I know that's not likely anytime soon. I think my mom would come down here, pack our bags and drag us home if I tried it. But someday, it might happen. For now, I'll continue to relive the old days at mom and dad's house. It suits me just fine.

Merry Christmas,

Molly

A List.

I read a really great post over at My Sister's Farmhouse about outing yourself as an atheist (and the potential consequences) and about blogging honestly. How much do we as bloggers really leave out for the sake of entertainment or for the illusion that we are perfect mothers or whatever?

On that note, I'm posting a list of things about me that is honest. I'm not trying to shape your opinion of me or try to get you to like me. This is just me.

1. I am almost positive that I am an atheist.
2. I listen to Christmas music starting in mid September.
3. I wish I was the size I was the summer before I got pregnant but would settle for just being one size smaller than now. My sister in law is giving me clothes that she doesn't fit in because she just lost a bunch of weight. I hate it. Its a constant reminder that I haven't lost weight despite multiple efforts. I'm joined a gym this week.
4. I really want to have more alone time in the evenings.
5. I am very stressed about money right now. The thought of having to take out a loan to cover part of the cost of living while I am in school makes panic and almost abandon the idea of going to school.
6. In my heart, I'm torn between the idea of living comfortably in the burbs/city or moving into a smaller cabin on the edge of civilization...someday.
7. My husband declared today that he doesn't want to have another kid. I still really, really do.
8. I don't want to work today. I don't ever really want to work.
9. I wish everyone I love could live in one town.
10. I am scared that my husband won't get his thesis finished soon enough and panic at the idea of him going back to school right after I finish.
11. I am starting to let go of some of those regrets about not having done certain things in life.
12. I really would like to convert to Judaism...but I could never give up Christmas.
13. The whole turning 30 thing has about worn off. It still sounds a big foreign when I say or write it, but that will pass too. I turn 31 in three months.

Thats enough. Its all a big negative and I try to keep this blog geared towards the positive for the most part, so no more of that for a while if I can help it!

Next up: thoughts on the coming holidays.

Nice Lady from Zimbabwe or Molly's New Do

I went to get my hair cut last night by a nice white lady from Zimbabwe. It was probably one of the best cuts I've had, ever. Kim came to me by recommendation from someone who also has curly hair. She cut it dry to get the shape right, then she "cleansed" it and dried me under the dryer. One of the problems I had with the whole experience was that I was there for 2 hours. I'm not the kind of girl who plans on 2 hours at the beauty parlor to get her hair done. She very meticulously cut my hair for a good hour, then most of the second hour was spent under the dryer. She talked to herself as she cut, saying things like "ok, I like the graduation..." and "Yes, I like it" and "Yes, this is coming along quite nicely, its going to be really cute" in her fabulous Zimbabwean accent. Its almost as though she was selling the concept and hair cut to me as she went along. I think that ultimately she wanted to see how it looked styled and shaped before sending me on my way.

I was disappointed, but not totally surprised, when she gave me a total of $55 for my hair cut. It was a nice place and she cut a shit load (seriously, it was massive) of hair off my head. I gave her a generous tip of $10. $65 for a hair cut that will last me a good 3 months. I don't know if I'll go back there, as that's pretty expensive. I normally spend about $30. But in the end, I suppose its worth a little money once in a while to let some one fix you up and make you feel like a new woman. And I sure do.

On that note, I'm sending positive vibes via magic fingers to my good friend Genderist today.

No Hands

My kid is growing up at an alarming rate and every day is something new. Lately, she's
been particularly...testy. By testy, I mean that she's testing us at every turn. She does
something kind of snotty and then pauses and looks back at us for a reaction. I could
almost call her a behavioral psychology researcher. Mama and Dada could be called the same.

Today as we were walking down stairs to her room at day care, she reached for the kid
height hand rail and told us "no hands," meaning she doesn't want to hold our hand on the
way down. It was a funny process because she kept reaching out automatically, then she'd realize what she was doing and would pull back and again say "no hands."

After much ado, last night Daddy and I took the crib apart. Bebe now is sleeping on her crib mattress on the floor in her room. The look on her face last night when we showed her the new bed was incredible. Lets just say I immediately cried. She was just so happy and isn't that all we want? What was the result of the bed change, you ask? She fell off the mattress around 11PM and ended up in bed with us yet again. Like everything you do in parenthood; if at first you don't succeed, try and try and try and try again.

I've been doing an insane amount of cleaning at the house over the weekend and into this
week. Its been cathartic, aerobic, and refreshing. I've moved a couple of pieces of
furniture. We are also planning on moving Bebe's toys upstairs to her room and the glider
from her room to the living room. I love the idea of having a few chairs next to the fire
place for the fall and winter as well as play time away from the TV. I still have a few big projects to finish up before the cold weather sets in and Mama gets super lazy and just wants to snuggle up on the couch all winter. Speaking of snuggling, lets do a recipe or something. How about some spicy hot chocolate or chai tea? My pick is below.

Chai Tea Latte

4 cups water
4 cups milk
4 green cardamom pods
12 black peppercorns
12 whole cloves
4 inches cinnamon sticks, broken into pieces
1 star anise
1 whole nutmeg
3 slices fresh gingerroot
4 black tea bags
6 tablespoons honey (or to taste)
½ teaspoons vanilla extract

Mix together water and milk in large saucepan; bring to a boil. Add cardamom pods, peppercorns, cloves, cinnamon stick, anise, nutmeg, ginger-root, and tea. Remove from heat and steep for 15-20 minutes, according to how strong you like your tea. Carefully strain tea through strainer into another pot to remove spices. Stir in honey, mixing well to dissolve; mix in vanilla extract. Pour into cups and serve warm, or chill and serve cold.

Peace out.

Bebe Birthday on the Way

My sweet Petit Bebe's birthday is just around the corner. She will be 2 this year and I can't believe how time has flown. My friend recently commented that its seems like we were just talking about being pregnant, let alone experiencing parenthood. But here we are: her crib is now a day bed, bottles replaced with sippy cups, baby food with Mommy and Daddy's, and the era of diapers is almost over. She can communicate with us now better than ever. She's happy, she's perfect and she's still mine....allllll mine. I love spending time with her. Its really all I want to do on the weekends now. We even run around and do things together.

My mom and dad and little sister are coming in the week of her birthday to spend a little (sporadic) time with her. I believe that our official Birthday Girl activity will be a trip to a local farm for some pumpkin pickin' and a cake. Last year we did a pumpkin cake, which really was a pumpkin bread recipe. This year, although I considered something different, I think we're sticking with the pumpkin theme. We're having a Pumpkin Angel Food Cake. Its funny how you can come up with something in your head and bam, there's already a recipe out there for it online. No sweat for Molly. I think I need to share it with you because its freakin' genius...and healthy to boot!

Pumpkin Angel Food Cake

Ingredients:
* 1 cup canned pumpkin
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
* 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
* 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
* 1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
* 1 package (16 ounces) angel food cake mix
* 14 tablespoons reduced-fat whipped topping
* Additional ground cinnamon, optional

Directions:
* In a large bowl, combine the pumpkin, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and ginger. Prepare cake mix according to package directions. Fold a fourth of the batter into pumpkin mixture; gently fold in the remaining batter. Gently spoon into an ungreased 10-in. tube pan. Cut through batter with a knife to remove air pockets.
* Bake on the lowest oven rack at 350° for 38-44 minutes or until top is golden brown and cake springs back when lightly touched and entire top appears dry. Immediately invert pan; cool completely, about 1 hour.
* Run a knife around side and center tube of pan. Remove cake to a serving plate. Garnish each slice with 1 tablespoon whipped topping; sprinkle with cinnamon if desired. Yield: 14 servings.

I can't wait to pick up her #2 candle. This year, we are going with a straight "fall" theme instead of halloween. Lots of pretty fall-colored balloons and streamers.

It'll be a cheap party but if we are all together, it'll be plenty rich.

And a Good Wednesday to you,
Molly

Magic Mama

I'm tard, as Genderist would say. We had another long night with Bebe ending up in our bed, kicking and rolling as she slept and constantly waking up mommy and daddy. I'm starting to think that she needs something more comforting in her bed. Maybe not, maybe this is just going to suck for a while.

I had an awesome weekend with Bebe. We played and played, we went to the park, we went to the Library, we went shopping. While we were out on our shopping adventure yesterday (and listening to the Willy Wonka soundtrack) I realized what a gift it is to see the magic in her eyes. That same magic that my parents experienced with me. Everything is new and exciting. I also have the pleasure of creating magic for her. Its like getting to be a child all over again...almost. The most amazing sound in my world is her getting up in my face and happily saying "Hi, Mama!" and telling me all about her day in her own jabbery way. There's just nothing better than this.

And, I think Christmas is going to be pretty exciting this year.

Happy New Year

I am not religious these days. That doesn't mean that I won't ever be, but for now I am an atheist. It just feels the most true to my beliefs. However, I married a Jew and our daughter will be Jewish. Now, if you want to get technical and biblical, the mother has to be Jewish for the child to really be Jewish. But we're not worried about that one.

So my sister in law and I went to Rosh Hoshana services last night. I haven't been to temple since before the petit bebe came into the world. It was nice, kind of cathartic. I love going to temple, but I'm not a Jew and I have always felt as thought I stick out. Mostly because I can't sing along with most of the Hebrew songs. A few I know by heart, but only because they are short...and similar. I really like the Rabbi and his talks. They are always pretty short, but very thoughtful. He also has a nice way of looking at things from different angles. His talk on this particular evening had to do with belief and how you are really not Jewish if you don't believe. It made me start to think about a few things relating to conversion and making sure that bebe doesn't have a half-assed religious experience. I don't know. We'll see, maybe a little farther down my religious journey I'll consider it more seriously. But not now.

Popcorn, Molly-Style

Greetings from here, hi to you there.

Ingredients:
Coconut Oil
Popcorn (uncooked)
Pepper/Salt
Butter/Cheddar Popcorn seasoning

Directions:
With a large pot (with lid), melt about 2 tbsp of coconut oil on medium heat in your pan. Once melted, add 1/4 to 1/2 cup of popcorn kernels. Make sure the kernels are spread out evenly in a single layer in the pot and place lid on leaving a crack to allow hot air to escape. Cook, tossing frequently, until the popping slows. Remove pot from heat and allow to finish. Dump all the popcorn in a large bowl that will allow enough room to toss it around. Add your favorite combination of seasonings. My favorites are salt, pepper, butter and cheddar flavoring.

Toss it all around and then toss it in your mouth!

Love Letter to Tennessee

My Sweet Tennessee,

Its been a while since I've spent some time with you, but I miss you and think of you almost every day. You were the place that I ran away from home to at the unripe age of eighteen. You didn't always prove as sweet as your tea; there were many lonely, sad nights. But you did give me some of the greatest gifts I could have asked for: friends and a life partner.

I moved from a small town to a…small town (but it was close to a big city!). When I came to you my only thoughts were how awesome I was and how awesome my major was. In high school, I was 3rd chair All-State percussionist, Drum Captain, had good grades, cool clothes, listened to cool music and had a subscription to SPIN and Rolling Stone (even though both of those magazines were more commercial that I would have preferred, they kept me in the know). Even though I never really had a real solid game plan…or knew what my niche was going to be…I was going to get the hell out of dodge and be even more awesome!

For my first year, along with 15 hours of classes, I signed up to be in the funked up Band of Blue. To say the least, I wasn't prepared for the oppressive heat and humidity I would endure all day, for two full weeks of band camp before school even started. I also had no clue what an awesome band this was. When the first day rolled around we were in a rehearsal hall in the music building and you had to audition on whatever drum you wanted, in front of everyone who obviously knew way more about what that was about than I did (not having come from a true to form competitive marching band experience). I immediately noticed that everyone on snare, my drum, played old fashioned style (one stick over, one stick over) and I freaked out because I had absolutely no experience with that and didn't think I'd survive the audition. I quietly slipped off the drum, removed the nasty smirk from my face and snuck down the stairs to stand with the cymbal players. With no regrets I can say that I chickened out. It was a good move because a.) I didn't have spend quality time with douche-bag drummers and b.) I made some amazing friends. I laughed every time I was with them, even though the drum instructor (Andy), and all the other guys in the drum line, made us feel like second class citizens. Fuck those guys, we knew how to have a damn good time. They gave us music but we never really played it, we kind of made up our own parts to suit us. Why? Because who gave a shit? Andy certainly didn’t. So long as we got the big splashes and crashes and knew when to turn around and be a walking cymbal stand for the snare players. Many of my good friends had left the marching band that second year and the luster had kind of worn off.

As you remember, Tennessee, I had some personal ups and downs in college. I dated some weird boys, had some odd blind dates, made the mistake of speaking to the media once (and had my name subsequently drug through the proverbial mud in the crappy school paper), and was in general, really lost. I remember my good friend, Genderist, asking me that last year or so "So, what are you going to do after college? Do you have a plan?" I don't remember my answer, so it must not have been significant. The truth was that I didn't have a plan. I didn't have good advisers or the tenacity to go to them to say "I'm scared and I don't know what to do after college." What I didn’t know about life, you would hand to me on a silver platter in a small office in Brentwood, TN.

Immediately after college, my then boyfriend and I moved in together. This was a big step, as it helped me begin to get over the dogma that plagued me about things like "living in sin" and helped us get to know one another. So, lets get back to that silver platter. Right after college, my boyfriend wanted the opportunity to go back to school. The agreement was that I would work and pay the bills while he went back to school which I was fine with. I just didn't really know how to go about the whole job thing. Do I try to procure a job in the "industry"? How? So I went to a staffing company in downtown Nashville. I took the little computer aptitude tests, answered all of her questions and she called me back the next day with a secretarial gig. The following day I went to work in a branch office of AIG VALIC Financial Advisers. This job gave me work skills, professionalism, tons of access to the internet, confidence, and exposure to the business world="polish". By the time I left there, I understood the importance of benefits, steady pay, and working for a large corporation. It was a great experience that I always look back to. I had a beautiful drive every day up and down Old Hickory Blvd, through the country to our little apartment in Bellevue. TN really is a beautiful place and this helped me to appreciate you that much more.

Tennessee, you gave me the opportunity to do the college thing, to be away from "home", to try new things like getting my nose pierced, to love sushi, try liquor, date boys, discover "good" country music, biscuits, catfish, sweet tea, see the Parliament Funkadelic in-person, to walk around campus in the middle of the night rocking out to my discman (that’s right, the pre-iPod world) and proper southern etiquette. Thinking back, I also had the opportunity to go to the home town's of my three closest friends: Mags in East TN, James in Southern TN and Crystal in Western TN. I love all three of you for sharing your Tennessee with me…and for accepting me and my flaws and weirdness.

Things I Like...Until I Change My Mind

1. T-shirts that have this on them (look left)
2. Video's of cute babies doing cute things
3. Unexpected cool weather at the end of August
4. The ability to listen to stand-up comedy all day
5. Podcasts (free ones)
6. Horror blogger Final Girl, because she's effing funny
7. Counting repeatedly to 5 with my kid in the car this morning.
8. My fancy new derby roller states that the SIL and I just ordered. Its gettin' real, y'all!
9. Kind, genuine heath care professionals working towards the greater good and not their own glory.
10. I started a new blog, but I'm not going to share it with you. I will say that its getting way more traffic than this one ever will and that you get a warning before getting to it.
11. Kentucky Ale
12. Twitter...because I get it now.
13. The interwebs...because the interwebs are awesome.

Sugar, Piss and Everything A'miss

Ok, not really! I'm fairly happy, so its mainly just the sugar part. I had a nice evening...out. I took off after I heard the baby fall asleep. I headed to Gabe's to see if they had some cheap fish nets, but alas they did not. But I did find some really cool knee highs. One pair with multi-colord hearts, another with stripes. I got a pair for the SIL too. They will be perfect for derby. Ahhhhhhh Derby, how I yearn for thee. I'm also nervous for thee. I went out on Monday morning to practice up the street at the tennis courts and busted my butt plenty. I also messed up my shoulder pretty bad, but that's about healed up. Funny...i might have to keep a running tab of injuries. Also, on the way back from the tennis courts the roads are mostly down hill, especially the street that leads to my culdisac. I was going super fast coming down the hill. I was moving so fast that I was afraid to try to drag my foot to slow down for fear that I'd lose my balance and fall down and break something, or run into a car, or scrape all off the skin on my face. I had to pass my street until I could slow down enough to turn around, go back up the hill a little and turn onto my street....which is also down hill but not so scary.

The weekend is almost here and can't get here soon enough. I have a few dates set up for dinner and roller skating. The rest of the time I'm spending with that baby because really, she's the best thing I've ever, ever, ever done.

Peace out.

Fridayed. Derbied. Sundayed. Mondayed.

SIL and I went to a derby bout on Saturday night and it was awesome. Tubular to the max. Those girls were bad to the bone...most of them anywho. Can't wait to have a booty that I won't mind showing off in fishnets and hot pants.

Overall it was a full weekend. I had a date night out with Daddy on Friday. We went to dinner and then to the drive-in. Saturday was fun with baby, to the park, grocery shopping, then the bout that evening with SIL. Sunday was another baby day with a dog washing, floor scrubbing, a trip to the library and True Blood watching. It was a really full weekend. SIL and I are bonding, which is good. She and her brother are still getting used to being around one another...you know, its different as adults.

I'm starting to feel the need to run off a little, either just me and baby or just me. Maybe I'll do that a little this week or next. Its just easier than to constantly be explaining how to deal with the baby....or just to deal with the baby...or anyone else. Its also way less distracting This exercise is showing me the importance of giving myself a little away/me time.

Big shout out to Jon-boy on the first week (mostly) in his new job! Special thoughts requested for my friends Genderist and Shawn, as both have close family members who are ill.

Eventually to the love letter....Molly

Douche-Nozzle Confirmation

And just to prove my point, I received the below email this morning...which made me wretch. Please note that names have been changed to protect the innocent (and non-innocent).

Respected Ms. Blogger

I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to request your assistance with a letter of recommendation. If you would be so kind as to support my application, kindly address the below listed criteria for awards in your letter.

Criteria:
i) Demonstrated excellence in the conduct of original research in oncology
ii) Academic performance and credentials
iii) Medical aptitude
iv) Plans for a career in academic medicine
v) Demonstrated leadership among peers

I have attached my vita for your viewing pleasure.

Upon completion, please make two separate copies of the letter, one entitled "Douche Canadian - Something Something General Scholarship Award Letter" and another titled "Douche Canadian - Something More Specific Scholarship Award Letter." Both letters can be sent to Ms. Innocent at your earliest convenience.

Please let me know if I can provide any other information.

Warm Regards
Yours sincerely,
Douche Canadian

Now, lets cover a few items: Yeah, I'm going to do it because I have to. Technically the letters would be from the boss. But all I'm really going to do is reformat a letter previously written and have him sign off. And yeah, he's trying to be cutesy with me. But I didn't acknowledge any of that. I sent a curt response about a deadline and that I would inform him upon its completion. A month ago I would have fretted about the letter and would have sent him multiple cutesy emails in response. I think he thinks he has me (because technically...he did for a while). Does that make sense? I'm relieved that is all behind me. Two themes come to mind: "growing up is hard to do" and "I'm too old for this bull-shit". Maple sucker.

Next up, something way more fun: a Love Letter (but to whom?)