Home is Where You Make It

We had a really nice visit with the family back home. It was surreal being there and imagining that place being my every day home again. I haven't really lived there since I left for college 12 years ago and its changed a little here and there but the heart of it remains the same.

The snow hit hard a few days before we got there (24in) but by the time we got there the power was back up and the roads were clear and dry with only a few hairy moments on hill/mountain tops on the interstate. We had a really swell visit. There were a few missing family members this year, but thats ok, we survived. Lilly did great on the trip up and back but her sleeping in between was all over the place. Which means our sleeping was all over the place. Coffee saved my ass this week.

We spent a few hours on Sunday driving around a few neighborhoods, just browsing, where we ID'd homes for sale on the internets. The one thing that we noticed was how all over the board the streets were in terms of property value. You could have a house worth about $250K on the same street as a house worth under 100K. Thats a wide range. So our goal will be find a house that isn't the best house on any given street, but above average. Because the end game is re-sale baby! Oh, and it'll be hard to get used to everything being on a fucking hill! Soooooo not used to that here. Hills and hills and fucking hills. Four wheel drive, here we come.

I was a bit afraid that the snow would scare off my husband from the idea. But he's still game and so am I. I've already started making a mental list of things I need to get rid of and organize this winter and spring. I've also started thinking about the things I'm going to miss, like Whole Foods. I'm really going to miss Whole Foods, with their bulk food section and all the organic goodness. I'm also going to miss the ease of travelling to and from this place. Although my home town has a small airport and there are two with in two hours drive both north and south of there, its not quite as easy a trip.

But there are some really nice elements: being close to my family, a network of old/close friends to hang with, the beauty of spending time with my folks but then having some place else to go afterwards, all the green, the friendly people, the quiet, etc, etc. There are down sides too, but we'll cover that in another post.

Next up: Molly Cooks Christmas Dinner and makes her Grandmap Puke (in a good way...)

Happy Holidays

The things you see in any workplace the week before Christmas are usually pretty sweet and fun. Today, I handed out cookies to my newish co-workers and it was fun to see the surprise on their faces. Around mid morning, I saw the people who handle finances here (I call them the Money People) do a little gift exchange and it was sweet to see their faces as they traded boxes wrapped in Christmas-y paper. All sweet, humble and full of joy. On my lunch hour I walked down the street to my old office to hand out cookies and got one of those hugs that squeeze all the air out of your lungs and a few tears from your eyes. I miss my old co-workers dearly and it’s always good to see their faces. On my way back I walked over to our little grill to grab a sandwich. The side of the building has a lot of glass. As I walked along it I could see a patient receiving treatment, next window down a group of co-workers happily having pizza and a gift exchange, and then the lobby where patients and their loved ones were waiting and/or eating a quick lunch. Everyone in the grill had on Santa hats.

As I walked back to my building I saw a delivery van. The Santa-hat-wearing driver was delivering a tray of sweet goodies to someone in my building. He opened the door for me. Everyone is friendly and a little lighter. The hard part is over. Now we kick around until the holidays start. When the holiday is over, we’ll gear up and start it all up again…bigger and better, as they say. This year was tough and exciting. I know it’ll just get better and better.
This year I’m thankful for my new job, for my beautiful family and for good friends. And for miracles. Because they do happen.

Happy Holidays

Around and around we go, where she stops, nobody freakin' knows.

I've been waiting a good 6 months or so for my husband to be ready and now is the time. Time for what, you ask? Oh, only the same shit I've been blogging about since I started the first one back in St. Louis. Get ready, here it comes.

The question we ask ourselves every blue moon is: What's keeping us here? Well, there isn't a whole lot keeping us here in Kentucky. Yes, we bought this house just last year, but its only a house. We could sell it if we had to and we'll make a profit either way, thanks to the wonders of purchasing a foreclosure. Where would we go?

He and I have talked alot lately about how nice it would be to live close to family. With the baby and being practically on our own, dude its hard. Now, he's willing to consider moving close to my family, aka, moving to my hometown. I'd consider moving close to his parents too, I'd like to add, but I have no desire to move that far from my roots (or to the desert). This is something that we just haven't allowed ourselves to truly sit down and consider in real life terms before. Before now, there have always been big picture reasons not to move there: jobs, long/hard winters, social climate, jobs, jobs, etc. etc. However, where I'm from is actually a pretty neat little corner of the world. It has its good and its bad, like any place, but the best part is that we would have a network of family/friends close buy. What a world of good that would be for us. Yes, I have good friends here, but none of them have kids and we don't really spend boat loads of time with them socially. So, what we have here is a nice house and full time jobs. Call me selfish, but I want more for us, if possible.

He is going to spend the winter/spring working and finishing his thesis and I another pre-nursing course. At some point between now and the completion of those things, we'll both start applying for jobs and see what happens from there. It could very well result in absolutely nothing. Until then, we'll continue to talk, weigh the odds, and make sure we aren't doing something completely insane.

North Carolina, I still love you. And one day, we'll be together. But I just might have to postpone my visit for a while.

He/She Who Shall Not be Named

I used to work in a place filled with negativity and sadness. I worked there for about 3 years and then I got lucky and managed to claw my way out. I had to leave a few brothers behind, and they deal with being there very differently. One has the ability to shrug it off (most of the time) and decide not to care. Its a great quality to have in situations like these. Its one that I tried over and over, but was unable to attain. The other friend has been there far too long. The negativity is like a cancer that is deep in his bones. He needs to get out of there like there is no tomorrow. So now lets shift this back to me.

I must confess that I find myself, on regular (sometimes daily) occasions thinking about my former manager. I relive conversations, I have imaginary conversations with my current management explaining why they shouldn't hire this person into this department (just in case, I'll be ready?), I practice my attempt to be honest but to not defame this person or "make it personal." Imagine, if you will, all of the energy that is stolen from me by this inability to shake this persons effect on my life. I don't want to think about this person, I don't want to dream about this person and I sure as hell don't ever want to actually see this person again. Ever. It is extremely rare for me to feel actual hate for someone. Afterall, we're all human and imperfect, right? Everyone deserves a fair shake because we never really know what someone else is thinking or feeling in any given situation or what they have just been through in their personal life. But I feel it and it must be so. I'm a hater and that makes me sad.

And so, for my friends that are still there, I'll do my best to listen and support them in the struggle to find employment elsewhere. And although it always brings up all those old feelings and the hating, I can't not be there for my friends. So, I'll just continue to listen and work really hard at stopping those thoughts and moving past them to the things that matter most. Like playing with the baby, and christmas cookies, and whatever is happening right here and now. And eventually I won't remember this persons dumb face and mannerisms (was that too big of a word?) and not think about him/her at all. Ever, ever again.

Happy Hanukah,
Molly

Trip Photos!

My baby chillin' at the 89' Ford Escort. Yes, the top of that coffee table is

made of mauve Formica, in case you were wondering.

Left and right views from the dirty windows of our room at the 89' Ford Escort

Dirty window 2.

Me being silly in....

...the cool pod bathrooms at the China Grill in the Mandalay Bay. TV included.

Too bad they were playing shitty music videos. Please note, this was after my very

large drink at the vodka bar.

The view from my in-law's living room. Pitiful, right? But really

the picture does the actual view no justice.

Thanksgiving in the "Great American Southwest", Part Four/Conclusion

Saturday at 9AM was the scheduled departure time at the Resort. Now, I don’t want to be ugly here but let me talk to you about what happened Saturday morning. First of all, Friday night was the first night all week (I believe) that the baby slept through the night. Of course, I was the lucky one to get up with her when she was up and at it at 6AM. Mom and Dad got up around 7 and let me take over. Derek insisted on sleeping “20 more minutes”. Sadly, I let him. Meanwhile packing his stuff, my stuff and baby’s stuff. Sounds pretty sucky, right? Then when I got him up he proceeded to take his time in the shower. I never got to take a shower that morning.

After much ado, we left for Vegas in Mom’s Prius at 8:55. That’s right folks, a compact car with 4 adults and a car seat for two hours makes for a sore ass.

So we get to the airport and find the short term parking after an intense lap and a half. I fucking hate Vegas taxi drivers. Yeah, they see you and they don’t give a shit. So we go inside to check in. We have to check in at the airport because we have to get an infant boarding pass to get through security. For whatever reason, priceline failed to convey our specific order to the two airlines we used (United and Delta, by the way). So we check in at the kiosk and then go to the counter to see about open seats for the baby seat and request the extra boarding pass. The first lady passes us off because we aren’t one the specific branches of Comair that she can service. So we end up down to the next person. I specifically told her that first we needed an infant boarding pass. Then I asked her if there were any open seats on the flight. Honestly, it didn’t seem like she even looked, but she said it was a booked flight. Ok, so now we need to check the carseat. So we tighten all the buckles and loose ends, etc and pass it off. When she handed us our receipts for the luggage, I didn’t see the infant pass. So I asked her again. Now she says it should have printed out with our passes at the kiosk. She didn’t really seem to know what to do so she wrote on the passes. Truth be told she was a real bitch. The end.

And now I’d like to give a California howdy to United/TWA/Comair and United Airlines. Thanks folks!

Mom and Dad walked us to the family line at the security checkpoint. I was sad to leave them behind, but we were ready to be back in the land of grass, trees and brown dirt. Lilly was a real trooper through the whole trip. She took a nice long nap on the long flight to Memphis but things got a little weird on the puddle jumper to Louisville. I dn’t know if I was showing her too much out the window, but she was a little freaked out. She could have just been tired, who knows, but she was super clingy with her daddy. We landed, got our luggage no problem. Derek and I were a little agitated with one another. Just ready to be done. I insisted on driving home. I needed the alone time. Daddy and Baby snoozed on the back seat all the way to Lexington.

When we got home I just got Baby out of the car seat, took her upstairs, changed the diaper, put on pajamas and had Daddy fix her some milk. She sucked down the milk in minutes flat. I gave her a few minutes to relax and then tried to lay her down. On a normal night before our journey, she would lay right down and fall asleep. No crying, just suck the thumb and out she’d go. But now, as I tried t put her down, she wouldn’t let go of my neck and proceeded to scream bloody murder. Daddy and I tried and tried and tried to no avail. I decided to just let her sleep on my belly on the couch, just for that night. The next night was rough too, but we decided that it would just take her a little while to readjust. So we are doing what we had to do months back and let her cry it out. She cried a little less tonight. It’ll just get better, I presume.

Yesterday, Baby and I went for groceries and spent the evening decorating the tree. I’m almost done with the mantle. I’m ready for the holidays, people! Later this week I’ll be trying my hand at a few new cookie recipes. Its on, Santa, its on!

I hope everyone had a nice holiday. Thanks for reading.

Happy Holidays,
Molly

Thanksgiving in the "Great American Southwest," Part Three

The week in the desert was excellent. Some annoying things here and there, but nothing really wacky to report on. That is, until the main event on Thursday afternoon.

Mom and Dad (in-law) invited their dearest friends over for Thanksgiving. We will call them Fred and Ginger. They split their year between Utah and Portland, Oregon. They planned well for retirement, as they both had excellent jobs, and live fabulously. Both Fred and Ginger are really sweet, especially Fred, as he seems to be the softy of the two. We all talked about interesting things over wine and champagne before dinner. It was fun, easy going, lots of hugs and kisses on the cheek and everyone loved on the baby. They even brought her a stuffed turtle (wearing a bike safety helmet). Really cute. So we eat dinner, all praising Mom for her excellence in turkey-stuffing-gravy-potatoes(me)-sweet potatoes(SIL)…all that jazz. Baby didn’t really eat much and was pretty fussy. She ended up going to bed early that night. Too bad because she was a real star earlier. But as stars do sometimes, she crashed and burned a little earlier than expected.

So we finish dinner and the party scatters around the house to different areas. Some do dishes, some watch the Broncos game, but I made the mistake of sitting too long at the table. By the end of dinner I had a nice buzz thanks so much to my sister in law who kept filling up my glass (thanks!). I’d probably had 1.5 glasses of champagne and another 2 of red wine. I wasn’t falling over in my mashed potatoes or anything, I kept it classy. But I was vibrating a little and this hindered my ability to make a good getaway. So then Ginger, mom and I are at the table and Ginger starts in on Israel. Time for an aside!

As I’ve mentioned before my husbands family is Jewish. I mention this only because usually, people who are Jewish have very strong opinions about the current state of Israel and Palestine. My in-laws and husband are an exception to the rule. I want to think that when we’ve actually discussed it (not often) that they feel both parties are to fault, etc. Which is also how I feel about it. Back to the story…

So I don’t remember how we got on the topic, but Ginger starts touting “facts” from books she’s read that have to do with how the Muslims are increasing in number around the world at a pace that will have them essentially take it over and wipe out the Jews. She even gave me a year. And she talked about how the current government isn’t doing anything to support Israel (hello, a little early!) and that Obama’s “Muslim background” is leading him to support the Arab states. And how my generation doesn’t understand how dangerous that is. I actually tried to argue with her, but she beat me back down every time. And you know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you are angry or nervous? I had it. Somehow during the conversation, Mom made a genius getaway (for her, its been there done that). But I was stuck, buzz killed, being talked at by Ginger. That being said, I can understand her passion. She’s Jewish and is obviously a conservative. Her son and his family also live in Israel, so it comes with the territory. Though throughout most of our…her conversation I wanted to run away, I also felt that she should be able to share her opinion about something she is so passionate about. Later in the evening as we said our goodbyes, she said, “I hope I didn’t bore you earlier.” I wanted so badly to tell her that her conversation was interesting, but that she should be more open to listening too. But I didn’t. I just told her how interesting it was. Everyone had pity on me later that evening. Apparently everyone but my husband and myself had sat through that before.

My nerd brother-in-law found online somewhere that the space shuttle and space station would be making a visible pass across the sky at a certain time on Thanksgiving. We all got to go outside and watch it. It was really quite wonderful.

Mom and Dad also have a hot tub, which Derek and I used 2 or 3 times. It was great at night because you could watch the stars with absolute clarity. It was almost as if we were closer to them…well, it was 7000 feet above sea level, so I guess we were. Ahhhh, geography!

One more chapter coming up….maybe with pictures too as promised before. Next, the journey home.

Thanksgiving in the "Great American Southwest", Part Two

Shortly after watching my baby ride away in a white Prius with my lovely in-laws, Derek and I head off to the Monte Carlo to hang with my sister-in-law and her husband while they check in. In the room we went around and around about where to go for dinner, but the only conclusion we came up with was that we would go get cleaned up a bit and then meet up at our hotel, the Tropicana in about an hour.

Sidebar: Just to give you an idea of what kind of hotel we were staying in, lets think of it in terms of cars. The Monte Carlo is nice, clean and modern. Lets call it a 2008 Toyota Camry. The Tropicana however, is loud, not well ventilated and the decor hasn't been updated since 1989. We'll call it an 89' Ford Escort with about 250,000 miles on it. But the breakfast buffet has really good eclairs. Oh, and this is where Wayne Newton has decided to perform his last shows in Vegas before retiring. Really Wayne? You couldn't find a better place to go out? I digress.

So Dana and Pat meet us at the 89' Ford Escort around 4:30PM. We decide to walk across the street to the Excalibur and start there, then work our way down the strip to the Mandalay Bay so we can check out The Red Bar. The Red Bar is a Vodka bar in the Mandalay Bay, with a communist theme, where the bar is actually made of ice. Perfect for serving vodka. We went in and it was not busy at all. They had some really neat stuff. Next we headed to the China Grill so we could check out their famed bathrooms, which are individual pods that are odly placed at the front of the restaurant. Each has its own TV. Yipee! See my picture below.

The whole evening kind of went like that. Wander here, wander there. We decided to eat at Spago (one of Wolfgang Puck's many, many, many restaurants on the Vegas Strip) which resides in the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace. We all ate grandly and wandered back to the Bellagio to watch the fountains. Derek was pretty much ready to retire after that. We'd probably walked about 8-10 miles, so we were pretty wiped out. Sadly it was only about 9PM. We realized that we probably should have taken an nap and started later that evening, but hey, live and learn. We had a good evening either way. We saw lots of cool things, weird people, fancy people, homeless people and got to spend quality time together.

So on the very long journey back to our 89' Ford Escort, we have to walk past a huge construction area. This really drunk guy gets behind us and is grunting and pounding on the wooden wall protecting us from the construction. I was afraid he was going to either do something violent or projectile vomit all over us. Derek held my hand we walked as fast as we could, but really couldn't get around anyone. We were stuck. He eventually dropped back. The end. Sleep was interrupted multiple times by more drunk people next door. Constantly coming and going and talking very loudly. The end.

Next morning we decided to visit a few casinos that Dana and Pat hadn't seen before, the Venetion and the Wynn. Both incredible, both sprawling.

Then came the drive to Ivins, UT. See, you have to drive down these long stretches of desert to get here and the wind feels like its going to blow you off of the road. It sucks hard for the first 30 minutes or so. And I don't particularly love my brother-in-laws driving. He's more used to it so he goes pretty fast. I managed to keep my mouth shut and the eye rolling to a minimum. Sometimes I just closed my eyes and waited for it to pass. To get to Ivins you hop on I15 and travel through Nevada, New Mexico and finally into Utah. Its only about two hours. We get off on some back roads for the last 30 minutes or so. This part is pretty amazing because its like driving through mars, interspersed with some old mud brick buildings/homes (western history, people!) and indian reservation land (really poor and depressed). Shivuwitz, I believe.

When we walked through the door my baby squealed with delight...and I cried again. Hey, its just who I am.

To be continued...Pictures up next!

Thanksgiving in the "Great American Southwest", Part One

So we get to the Louisville airport and check in to the airline that gave us the good deal on tickets. The guy at the counter is half talking to us and half talking on his cell phone. We check in at the kiosk (because that’s how you do it these days) and check our two bags. But I forget to check the baby chair. So the guy gets off his personal call and says he’d be happy to check the car seat. That being said, there were lots of open seats on both of our flights, why not take it with us and see if they can move us to some empty seats and use the car seat instead of holding the baby. Huh, we thought, that’s not such a horrible idea. I had a little trepidation, but we decided to go for it. So, here’s what we had to carry through the airport: my carry-on backpack (heavy), husbands carry-on shoulder bag, Lilly in stroller and the giant carseat. Let me tell you how much fun that was. So then they start calling passengers for our first flight (to O’Hare Int’l) and they don’t call people with babies first. We’re freaking out because we end up being the last folks on the plane and the plane is small AND you have to walk down the jet way and out side to get on the plane. That’s how small it was. I end up being the one trying to get the carseat to the back of the plane, which happens to be much larger than the space between the rows of seats and people’s heads and shoulders.

Are you exhausted yet? Because I sure fucking am.

So we move towards the back of the plane, last row even, and this guy is still standing up behind us with all of his things and I ask if this is his seat and he says yes but asks if we would like him to sit in the other empty seats. Yes, please and thank you. Then I can’t figure out how to get the carseat locked in to the airplane seat. We figure that out right before we take off. Lilly fell asleep and slept most of the way to Chicago.

It pretty much doesn’t matter what time of the year it is, what day of the week it is, or what time of the day it is. It is always busy at O’Hare. I’ve been in it many times in my life, travelling from wherever I’m living (STL, Nashville), to home in WV. Its huge and unforgiving. But the people you see are interesting. And its always fun to be in the place that has been in so many movies I watched during my childhood. Thank you John Hughes. But this time we had a baby with us. Lilly was wired and ready to run and play and do what she wanted to do. I can understand how frustrating it would be for her. She’s tired but she’s in this loud, busy, bustling place so hey, lets get this party started. But mommy wants to hold her still, in her hot tight grip and she is absolutely not having anything to do with that. No way, no thank you, no mommy. And everyone got to watch as I struggled with her alone, in line to board the plane while daddy begged the ticket counter agent to move someone so that we’d have a place for our very large car seat during the four hour flight to Las Vegas. Did I mention that it was a four hour flight? Four hours. Oh, and it was pretty much booked solid. That guy in Louisville was either high or full of horse shit, the later I think. Fuck you, guy in Louisville, fuck you.

So we get on the plane and learn that a very nice lady has agreed to move to a different seat so we can use the car seat. Thank you, very nice lady, thank you. Lilly kicked the person in front of her for about ten minutes before finally konking out and getting some sleep. She slept the whole way to Vegas. We managed to schlep all of our crap out to the shuttle service and get to the hotel. I found some milk at the sundry store and we all fell fast asleep. Lilly had lots of milk that night and that’s ok.

What I've learned so far about air travel is that no one cares that you are travelling with a kid (let alone a really cute one like ours). Its up to you to navigate it all, do not expect any favors from anyone.

The next day we slept in, ordered some room service (cold and subpar) and awaited the in-laws arrival to the hotel. We had lunch at Greenbergs Deli at the New York, NY. I had the best ruben I’ve ever had. Then we went to see the Lion exhibit at the MGM Grand and Lilly got to see some baby cubs snoozing with a trainer. She loved it. After that, we headed back to the cars where I let my baby travel back to Utah with the in-laws. I cried, but only for a second.

To be continued…

Update: The Annoying Backpack

Here's what I just returned (imagine this in light green): Here's what I bought in its place (imagine this in a nice olive green):

Tadaa! Compulsion resolved. For today.

The Annoying Backpack

(Please note: the underlying message in this post is me justifying spending money on a backpack. )

We have a large journey coming up that will take us to Vegas and eventually St. George, Utah for the week of Thanksgiving (that’s next week for those of you not keeping up with your holiday countdown). I have been shopping for a backpack for the last month. I have backpacks, but they are old, not airport-user friendly, etc. I’ve determined that the backpack needs to have certain qualities, lets discuss.
1. Large - I need one that will carry all necessary items but will get through security and doesn’t need to be pulled on wheels. It needs to go on my back, hence the name “backpack.”
2. Multiple compartments - I need one will have the following compartments
a. Small-Medium front section: Wallet and small personals
b. Baby section: large enough to contain diapers, wipes, changing pad and extra set of clothes
c. Mama section: Large enough to carry snacks, extra shirt, books/mags, and laptop if possible (not totally necessary, but would be nice)
d. Side pocket: for water bottle
e. Media pocket: for ipod (not totally necessary, would be nice)
3. Comfortable to carry: I need large, padded straps because this will likely be somewhat heavy. I have many large uncomfortable backpacks I could use, so lets make this one at least appealing.
4. Color: so long as it isn’t camouflage or Hello Kitty, I don’t really care what color it is.

Justification: I don’t think it unreasonable to purchase a new backpack. I am a student and something practical would be nice for use as I start taking more classes in the evenings and weekends. So its something that I will use for sure.

What I bought last night: so last night, I broke down and bought the $13 Eastpack from the Walmarts. Although it has almost everything I want, and is a nice color, its cheaply made. So that means I’ll probably get about 9 months of use. I mean lets be real: its plastic and made in China for school age kids that will use it for the 9 month school season (see: or falls apart).

The result of writing this post: I’ve decided that I’m going to go to Marshalls’ tonight (yay, another trip out…) to see what nice backpack I can find. If I find a nicer one for around $30, I’ll get it and take back the crappy Walmart version. If not, I’ll use this one until it falls apart.

Random Thoughts: November Edition!

“No Betty, no! Don’t do it!” Betty Draper kicks Don to the curb on Mad Men for sleaze-ball politician Joe Francis.

“Well, isn’t that just great. Oh well, I’ll just do it” Seeing that my husband didn’t finish his half of the dishes last night.

“Please don’t gag.” Upon giving Petit Bebe her first dried cranberry. She loved it…them.

"Wow, just like that.” Realizing how easily Lilly’s mood improved with a few sips of milk and some graham crackers.

“Pull it together, Jane.” Standing in the kitchen on Sunday morning, cooking pancakes, listening to Bing Crosby sing Faith of our Fathers and crying my eyes out. I was thinking of my grandpa, who won’t be with us this year at Christmas.

“Yep, you should be in bed.” Seeing a zombie kid in the actual shopping basket of the cart at Walmart last night around 9:30PM. He was sitting up on his knees just staring out. It was weird.

“Well, try being told constantly that you look like Bing Crosby.” Overheard last night at Target. Yes, I was at Target and Walmart last night trying to find a stupid, stupid backpack for this trip.

“Typical.” My thoughts after I slammed the right side of my body into a heavy glass door while walking a candidate to his next interview this morning.

"Just get it and move on with your life." Me, over and over in my head last night, agonizing over choosing a decent backpack for our long journey west. More on this soon.

"Booooooo" to Blogger a few minutes ago not loading my post and (Not Responding).

Santy Claws

Mom and Dad came down from WV this weekend to play. Translation: Dad helped us with some projects around the house and mom watched the baby. Dad and I made a banister for the stairs. He's a contractor but his favorite thing is wood working (cabinets, furniture, etc.) and he's fabulous at it. The open section on the stairs only goes about a third of the way up, so thats where it went. Its really beautiful. It needs stained/varnished and a few other little things, but I'm going to tackle that on my own. I've done it before, no big whoop. We also patched some holes in the wood siding made by some evil wood peckers and squirrels. We used bondo, which is normally used to patch holes in cars. Its awesome. We painted it to match the siding. Tadaa! It'll have to work until we can afford to put new siding up. We also replaced the water heater. I thought that was going to suck more than it did. But we did it and we now have hot water all the time! Yay!

Saturday night after baby went down and dinner was eaten, Mom took me shopping for some clothes for Christmas. We went to Macy's, a place I normally don't wander into because I've never really gotten past the pricey designer section. But we did and I found the less expesive, normal department store section. It was fabulous, fabulous, fabulous. I even found some new blue jeans. My mom's the best. She's real patient and won't rest until we've found the right fit, style or size. Its not as miserable an experience as it was when I was younger. I'm very real about how things fit on my body and what works and doesn't. There's no point getting upset about sizes, etc. I just want to look and feel nice when I leave the house. And we had a blast together.

So I have a monster test today that I think I'm relatively ready for. I've been studying since last weekend. My reward for studying and testing will be to put up the Christmas tree tonight. Just the tree and lights. I'll put the decorations on it tomorrow night. Bebe is going to go Kukoo bananas tomorrow when I show her. I realize you might think it too early for a tree, but I've decided that I don't care what you think. I have logical reasons. I'd explain, but that would insinuate that I care what you think. Its a very large tree, so I'll be pretty worn out by the time I get the lights on. I'll post some pics, then you'll be in the mood too!

You'll shoot your eye out, kid!
Molly

The Dance

In my new job, I get the mail for all the areas of the cancer center. What that means is that I take a rolling cart from our mail room to the post office in the basement of the hospital and then back up to put mail in their respective boxes. I kind of do this dance with my mail cart and the doors. I don’t have someone there to open the doors for me, so I push the doors open with my hips and swing around with the cart, etc. Its kind of fun.

I get to the post office by going down the elevator one floor and then following the underground hallways to the hospital. On my way I pass Radiation and the Nuclear Medicine clinics. As I pass I can see into the waiting rooms for Radiation and Nuclear Medicine. I can also sometimes see into the actual clinic rooms where patients are being treated. My eyes are wide open because I’m curious nursing student, not because I want to be nosy or disrespectful. I usually try to avert my eyes when passing the clinic rooms, but when I get to the NucMed waiting room, I look. Its interesting for me to see just how busy they are, how old everyone is, how the patients look, etc.

Earlier this week I witnessed something incredibly heavy (no big surprise, this being the cancer center). It’s mostly always heavy in the patient areas. Cancer is a monster. Period. Anyways, I was doing my little dance, listening to my iPod and I passed the NucMed clinic. But this time I see a relatively young couple, mid thirties maybe, and they are slouched against each other. The man was awake and had his hand to his head, just looking up blankly and stressed. The woman was asleep, her head resting on her husband’s chest, both looking worse for wear. But her feet are what caught my eyes. Her feet were resting on a stroller that was empty, save a black bag that looked like it carried some sort of medical equipment. The only way for me to interpret this is that their very young child was in receiving treatment. That’s just the reality of the beast. Cancer doesn’t care how old our young you are.

No Vegetables.

Husband, Petit Bebe and I decided that we would go to the Number 1 China Buffett for dinner on Saturday night. Its clean, well managed and the food is really good. So I'm fixing a plate for myself and I over hear the following conversation happening.

Lady: "Do you work here?"

Employee: "Uh, yes"

Lady: "Can you grill this?"

This is the point at which I look up expecing to see some peice of meat or vegetables that perhaps she wants to be cooked more thoroughly. But what I see is her holding a plate of white rice. This is when I decide to look away. My immediate reaction is embarrassment.

Employee: (clearly not understanding) "Uh, no?"

Lady: "I just want this cooked like fried rice, but no vegetables. Can you do that?"

Employee: "Uh, ok."

Lady: "Just fried but I don't want any vegetables."

Employee: "Ok. You want egg too?"

Lady: "Uh, yeah, just a little."

Now, I don't watn to seem ugly, but this lady look like the image of true health. So just to reiterate what our country is coming to, this lady wanted them to take some steamed white rice and add some oil to it. Oh, and some egg. Oil and egg. WTF?

Pity Party!

My name is Molly and I have a lot on my plate. Let me tell you about it.
1. Full time job
2. A baby
3. A husband
4. A myriad of hobbies that get neglected (listed below)
5. I’m taking a class that will hopefully help get me into Nursing School

Now let me give you a run-down of a typical day for me:
1. 5:00AM – Get up and work out for 30 minutes
2. 6:00AM – Get Derek up and in the shower/Get baby up, changed and dressed
3. 6:25AM – Pass off baby and take shower/get ready for work
4. 6:45AM – Hurry up and fix coffee and breakfast for the road while baby fusses at me from the Pack N Play or while daddy sighs and holds fussy baby (continually trying to hurry me along)
5. 7:03AM – Load everyone/thing in the car and head on down the road
6. 7:30AM – Drop baby off at day care
7. 7:45AM – Arrive at work
8. 8:00 – 11:30AM – Work
9. 11:30 – 12:30PM – Lunch
10. 12:30-1:50PM – Work
11. 2:00-2:50PM – Class
12. 3:00-5:00PM – Work
13. 5:00-5:30PM – Car ride home
14. 5:30PM -7:00PM – Love on the baby, get baby changed, make baby dinner, feed baby, love on the baby, play or go for walk with baby, bathe baby, love on the baby, give baby bottle and put baby down for the night.
15. 7:00PM – Start working on dinner for mommy and daddy
16. 7:30PM – Eat dinner and begin the process vegetating until bedtime.
17. 9:30PM – Bed. Time. Usually.

I have a list of hobbies that I’ve collected over the years that get neglected due to the above schedule…or my short attention span.
1. Quilting
2. Crocheting
3. Writing
4. Reading trashy novels (like the True Blood or Stephanie Plumb series’)
5. Creating awesome websites
6. Blogging
7. Day dreaming
8. Reading up on religion
9. Shopping
10. Cooking (see: eating)
11. Baking (see: eating)
12. Exercising
13. Photography
14. Watching movies
15. Listening to music
16. Playing music
17. Spending time with family (this one is my favorite and I’m grateful for that.)

These are things that are currently on my TO DO list:
1. Put check for mortgage in the mail.
2. Make hotel reservations in Vegas
3. Order mom and dad’s Christmas presents on Amazon (and think of some additional, more meaningful things)
4. Assemble veggie lasagna for dinner (check!)
5. Find a good travel backpack for adventure to Las Vegas/Utah
6. Get this blog posted (Check!)

Monday Morning Coming Down...

Today is a bit of a weird day as I didn't really get rested this weekend, sick baby and all. Didn't really meet all of my personal goals for the weekend. But I did have some good times.

Exhibit A: Met up with college buddy, Maggie, and her new husband in town for lunch. They stopped on their way through to Louisville for some haunted adventures. She got to meet Bebe and I got to meet new hubby. Aces all around...with the exception of another friend not being present because she lives in a very far away place. We missed you! And we're thinking happy thoughts for you this week!

Exhibit B: Sunday Lunch at Bob Evans. We waited for a good 30 minutes for a table, but lunch was good and we got to order off the menu for Bebe for the first time. Homegirl likes her brocolli and apple sauce...and cheerios. Excellent salads at B.E.

Exhibit C: I went to a party! Granted, I missed the peak of the party and my good friend Shawn punked out. But I can say that I went to a party and had a beer and played some rock band with some entertaining library nerds.

Exhibit D: Even though Bebe was/is sick, she's still one of the happiest babies I know. Snotty, but full of fun and giggles and playfullness. I hope she stays like that forever and ever.

Exhibit E: I cooked! I made lost of veggie friendly meals on Sunday afternoon. It was great. Baked veggie medly and butternut squash soup. Killer. I had the medly on top of a baked potato with a nice glass of red wine. Perfect on a cold Sunday night.

Next weekend I have big plans. I don't know what they are yet, but they are going to be big. Maybe a trip to the mall or across town to Garden Ridge to look at Christmas decor! (Because Christmas is coming at us like a freight train and there isn't a damn thing we can do to slow it down.) Lilly already likes things that sparkle. She's like her Mama that way. The end.

Random things heard in my head....

"My Body, Myself, Oy. Heh, that'd be a funny/sad post."

"Damnit!" - whilst coughing.

"Whole milk, bread, lunch meat, breakfast things, Diet Coke, coffee, Jelli's dog food, lotion, oooo solid pack pumpkin, better grab some cans of that. Do i need a Halloween shirt? Nooooo. Do I want a Halloween shirt? Yes.... Just pick her up! Its late, she shouldn't be out, she's tired, just pick her up and she'll be happy. How can you ignore your kid?...please get out of my way" - while at Wal-Mart.

"Pumpkin pancakes!" - on what to make Lilly for her birthday breakfast.

"Totally going to get up in the morning to run." - evening mantra...every evening.

"Vacuum, sweep, mop, dust, dishes, laundry, make beds, bathe the dogs..." - constant list making for upcoming weekend visitors.

"Coolest person ever" - how I feel about Lilly when we play.

"Damnit!" - on forgetting to thaw the chicken for dinner last night.

"Why do you care if my baby has her birthday celebration one day later than the actual date?" - on stupid people

"Yes, I'm definately 10 years older than you people. The more I hear you talk, the more I feel it. And in what society is that considered public attire?" - thought before and after Anatomy/Physiology class.

"Nahhhh" - on actually making the pumpkin pancakes Saturday AM.

"You can do it, you can do it, you can do it" - talking myself into getting up to exercise this AM.

"No waaaaaaaaaay" - on learning that Mrs. Dugger is expecting...for literally the 19th time. That family is like a train wreck...I can't look away. They have that twinkle of inbreeding in their eyes.

"How is that even possible?" on viewing these images of Coco (Ice T's girl) on The Superficial.

A Personal History of Religion - An Essay

Religion is something that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. When getting baptized around age 9 or 10 I remember hoping and praying that I’d finally get that "filled with God's love" feeling or secret or whatever it was that everyone around me seemed to have. As Reverend Shearer dunked me in the water, I hoped that it would all wash over me like a perfect white light. After all the baptisms (there was about 5 of us) I just remember observing everyone else having this look of pride and satisfaction on their faces. I'm sure I had that look too, but what I remember thinking was "Ok, I'm wet. When does the rest kick in?"

I went to Baptist camp for a week almost every year growing up. It was way back in the WV mountains (Cowan, WV) in some really beautiful country. I loved the alone time I had every day, the beauty of my surroundings, and the fact that my mom and grandmother attended the camp in their youth. Every year towards the end of the week, there would be a big passion play of some kind put on by the counselors and campers would have the opportunity to be born again. I probably went forward about 3 times total over the years hoping that it would help me to connect with my christianity and with God. But honestly, every single time I went up, I felt like a poser. I already knew what I felt in my heart but I was scared about what that meant for my eternal soul. I kept going up just in case God was real, then he would know I was atleast trying. But if it had no meaning to me (other than to cover my ass), how can it have had any real meaning to God?

I remember numerous occasions my freshman year of college getting dressed to go to a nearby church because I felt like I should, like it would be good for me. And then I’d go down stairs and outside and get paralyzed on the front stoop of my dorm. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to go and I felt tremendous guilt about it. I was also so afraid it would be the wrong church, or that i'd be judged or worse, not welcome. I'd heard from other friends that they had tried a few local churches. They would walk in and receive looks of unwelcomeness or not be acknowledge after the service on the way out the door during the typical post-church handshaking. you know, like "oh great, more flakey college students." Thats just not the world I'm from and it scared me to go there. So I never did. A few years later a friend and I looked in to the Hindu faith (thanks to some lovely bald visitors to our camps who were handing out literature) and read a bit of the Bhagavd Gita. Hey, it was good enough for George Harrison, right? Krishna was interesting, as most eastern religions are, but eventually I lost interest. I had a great roomate in college and she is a Mormon. I will always appreciate the experience I had with her because she never tried to indoctrinate me, we had great philosophical/religious discussions and she never, ever judged me for my choices (some of which were not so great). She taught me that you can have a conversation with someone with a completely different idea of what is right and come out respecting one another.

After visiting the desert for the first time, seeing the Grand Canyon and the beauty of Utah, and having an OBE (see: Out of Body Experience...no, really) around that same time, I was moved to explore the Buddhist philosophy. I read some really lovely books by Thich Naht Han. I struggled to read the Dalai Lama's books, but I tried. I meditated. The ritual of it all was very cleansing. I also loved that it was about loving yourself absolutely. About finding beauty in simple things and being conscious of everything single thing you do. It had nothing to do with indoctrinating, or making judgements or going to hell or putting all of my hopes and dreams and "faith" in something that deep down I knew wasn't there. It had every thing to do with working on yourself with absolute humility. We are all mothers. We are all children. The middle way is a beautiful way of thinking.

To further my religious experience, I just happend to marry a Jew. I have learned a great deal about Judiasm and I have a great love and respect for it. The ritual of Judiasm isn't as exotic as I once imagined. Infact, its fairly similar (at least in the reformed temples i've been to) to a church service. There's some music (usually in a minor key...they are a sad people), some call and response and some prayer (usually with a little Hebrew here and there). I have on occasion pondered the idea of converting officially to Judiasm but there is something that stops me: I'm not a Jew. I don't have that perspective on the world. Its a religion/culture that really, you have to be born into to truly understand. My daughter will have the very special experience of growing up Jewish. I’m reading a book at the moment called “Jewish, with Feeling.” I’m trying to gain a better understanding of Judiasm from a spiritual perspective so that when Lilly starts asking about God, that I’ll have a leg to stand on. I could always send her off with her questions to her father, but I want to participate in the conversation as well. Hopefully, when the time comes, she'll embrace it. And if she doesn't then I'll at least be able to share with her the things that I have learned on my soul journey.

It wasn't until recently that I came to the conclusion that its ok for me to explore other religions and not come to any single conclusion. Just like reading this essay might be hard for someone who believes that there is only one way or one truth, it was always hard for me not to believe that there are many ways to spiritual. I feel like I have finally unbound myself from the chains of religious dogma. Hey Christianity, its not you, its me.

We went to temple with a friend of ours one Friday night for shabbat services a year or two ago and when we got there we heard that the Rabbi's wife had died very suddenly that day after a bout of the flu. She was young, mid 40's I believe, so it was very tragic. It was a somber affair but I remember the president of the temple speaking briefly after the service and he mentioned a common Jewish belief that what happens in the hereafter being a bit of a "crap shoot." Thats pretty much how I feel about it. No matter how much we pray, or read, or believe, we really don't know what comes next. But I can sure live on the hope that we might get to spend eternity with the people that we loved here on earth, whether in this life or in a previous one. And we can all continue to learn from and love one another right now.

God Bless, Shalom, Namaste, Hare-Hare...Be well.

Miscellaneous Post

Life with Bebe: Its almost been one whole year since Petit Bebe came into the world. Life is so different. My brain is different. The relationship between myself and my spouse is different. The relationship I have with myself is different. I've fallen from the top of the heap when it comes to "most important" or "favorite" and Petit Bebe has taken my place. I'm good with it. That's what is supposed to happen. And besides, she's the best thing to happen since Dairy Queen (because who gives a shit about sliced bread).

Magic: My dad once said (regarding my inability to believe in the Christian God) that once I had a baby that I'd change my mind or "see the light." Well dad, nothing like that has happened. But I have found that I do believe that magic exists in the world and that harnessing or weilding that magic is a special gift. And that I see magic when I look in Petit Bebe's perfect, blue, twinkling eyes.

Birthday: I have been on this earth for almost 30 years. Turning 30 is an event that should be celebrated and I plan on celebrating big this year. I've been a real good girl for most of those 30 years, but for this party I plan on being a little more on the bad side. Its hard for me to admit my desire to throw down because although I want it so badly, I have a baby now. But then again, maybe that makes me more entitled.

Purpose: After so many years of searching, I've found that one can indeed have a true calling. That actually does happen. Whats funny is that it was right under my nose for ever. I just couldn't grasp it without a special experience to draw me closer to it. But I'm working towards it now and that's all that matters.

Work & School: Not only did I survive my first ever Chemistry class but I was able to move out of a miserable employment situation. I had a job that I liked but a boss that made me (and the people around me) angry, sad, disenchanted and confused. I was able find another position. And although I'm bored at times and I miss my old co-workers dreadfully, I'm happy and content.

Heaven.

It’s really hard to believe that it’s mid September already and that fall is upon us. The mornings and evenings are cool. Before long I’ll need to start bundling Petit Bebe up for our evening stroll.

Please bear in mind, I realize how ridiculous this is about to be: This is the time of year that I start fantasizing about how lovely and cozy it would be to live on a little farm. Canning and storing the goodies grown all summer in the garden. Milking the cows and goats for milk and cheese making. Gathering up fresh eggs. All the while Petit Bebe is papoosed to my back giggling at all of the fun we are having together. Snuggling up in front of the fire place with my man, a book and a blanket. I think it would be the most blissful existence. Its my idea of heaven.

And then I snap out of it and realize that I don’t think I could live that far outside of town. I’d miss things. I’d miss people…I think.

Napalm

I'd be pissed right now but I have a beer in me. When we got home this evening, we quickly realized that we were unsuccessful in our bug extermination. How fucking annoying is that?
Let me tell you how annoying: Back at the mother fucking Red Roof Inn annoying. Luckily, baby is clean, full and sound asleep in the pack and play. She's not really been phased by this whole deal and I have to credit Derek and myself for keeping our cool most of the time.

Derek is back at the house setting off bombs right now. This time we are going hard core by placing 1-2 in each room and letting them work over night. I'll be at the house all day tomorrow doing the toxic clean up. Its going to suck. I also need to find someone to come and take care of the yard: cut the grass, trim everything up really good and then I'll treat it with chemicals to kill the remaining little mother fuckers. Welcome to my hell, I'm embracing it.

Back to paranoia, Family Guy and Pumpkin (spiced) beer.

Visiting and Unwanted Visitors

Ahhh, the wonders of a weekend in WV and coming home to houseguests. Let me tell you my tale. Warning: very long post ahead.

Trip to WV: So we drove to WV (uneventful, fun). We stopped at the Food Network famed Smokey Valley Truck Stop for some good home cookin’. We had the Friday Special: Meatloaf and Three “Vegetables”. It was great, just like Sunday dinner at Grandma’s house, cottage cheese and all. We had a wonderful time at home with my folks, the grandparents, aunts and uncles. It was a grand old time. I do love them and miss them all the time.

Which brings me to our first topic of discussion: To move home or not to move home. Whether or not to make the move home is something I’ve struggled with since I got married. Derek and I have always been able to talk ourselves out of it (so to speak) by playing all of the variables: Job market, really hard winters, lack of diversity, very small Jewish population, and just a general lack of stuff (you know, all the little stuff that people love), etc. But the one big draw is family. Its really hard to live far from family when you have a kid. It would make such a difference in our lives if we had them close. We could help them, they could help us. And my heart just gets sick every time we are home with this internal struggle. And I have to say that Derek has been really supportive and has indicated that if we could find jobs, he’d be ok with it. So there’s that. Then I go back to why I want to live in Raleigh, NC. I am a country girl who has grown to love the modern conveniences of living in a large city. I loved St. Louis, but it was just too far from my parents. Although I loved the lifestyle and the beauty of that old city, I couldn’t stand the distance.

The Raleigh area has everything you could want: tons of educational opportunities for my kids and my husband and I, an international airport, a lovely Jewish population, lots of stuff (shopping, restaurants, parks, things for kids to do), and money. You can tell when there’s money in a town and this town has it. But there’s that big gap for us: close family. Now, I do have two aunts there (and a cousin, but she don’t account for much these days), so that’s great. But its not the same as my folks or Derek’s.

This is definately a recurring theme on this blog. But for some reason the struggle gets harder and harder as the months/years go on. It weighs heavy on my mind. I just have to resolve to know that we’ll do what’s best for our family when the time comes and that time isn’t right now.

Which brings me to our next adventure: The Red Roof Inn. Ladies and gentlemen, its flea season and our house was infested. Let me start by giving you some background into my brain. When I was 12 we got nits from a friend of mine’s nasty ass pet. Nits are evil and cling (and lay eggs) onto the roots of your hair. So they are a real bitch to kill. I can tell you how many times my mom and dad rubbed chemicals into my scalp and ran a tiny comb though my long, thick, curly hair to try and rid our house of them (about 3 within about 18 months). They are hard to kill and I have huge paranoia about little bugs like that. You have to wash everything in your house: pillows, curtains, bedding, throw rugs, clothes, etc. So I’ve done this routine lots in my lifetime, but not recently and not in my new house. So, when we got home last night from a long afternoon on the road, we very quickly saw that they were in fact in our home and had multiplied while we were gone. We quickly resolved to fog the house with some flea bombs and get a hotel room. So I ran to the store, got the flea bombs and flea spray and ran back to the house. We loaded the car back up with our luggage and the baby. Once everyone was out I strategically set up the 6 foggers according to the plan my dad and I came up with. Then I set them off, starting up stairs and ending with the one by the garage door, locked up and off we went to the hotel.

We settled in, we took showers, ate, fed the baby and came to the conclusion that I should go back to the house to start the clean up. This is the bitch part: airing out the house, vacuuming the floors and couches, mopping, cleaning off surfaces, taking down curtains, piling laundry, piling laundry, piling laundry. When vacuuming, you have to spray flea killer in the canister and constantly empty it because they can escape. After vacuuming I went back and sprayed areas that are popular doggie hangouts and threw out all of their bedding, etc. I was there from about 8:00-10:00 doing all of the above. I got a good workout, that’s for sure. I’m tired and strung-out and am dreading this evening. I have a world of laundry ahead of me, let alone all of our dirty clothes from the trip. I still have surfaces to clean. I have no earthly idea where Lilly is going to hang out while I finish cleaning her room. I guess it’ll be the baby jail in some corner I sanitize for her. When you have a baby it’s a whole different ball of wax because you have to really be careful to clean up all the chemicals. I don’t want her breathing that stuff if we can help it, and her skin is so sensitive. But then again, I don’t want to get rid of too much because we want the stuff to keep working.

The Dogs: The dogs are still at the dog sitter and are getting dipped again tonight. Derek will be making a run to the vets for the hardcore flea prevention stuff that you put between their shoulder blades. And we need a new carpet for the living room. I need to make a list….and check the bank account. Hey, if it wasn’t this, it was bound to be something else, right?

Here’s hoping you are having a fabulous Tuesday. Three cheers for pumpkin beer!

Life by the balls...

So, I did it. I finished up the last two weeks of my old job smooth sailing. Both weeks were busy non-stop, ended with a nice little going away party. It all kind of came to a head there as I was saying my last goodbyes to folks. Not so much a sadness but an awakening. Of course I'm sad to leave the people that I bonded with, that are like minded to me and who's faces I won't get to see every day. I'll miss them for sure. But now I'm doing something of my own choosing. Its not a job that I took because we are moving and one of us has to have an income so we can get a rental. I made the decision to apply for and accept this new job because I wanted to. Because I want a change. Because I don't want to be miserable. I took life by the balls and went for it. I know I'm lucky. Not everyone can find a job as quickly as I did, but it just happened.

I've found my road and I'm paving it. Here's hoping you find yours too.

Mad Men Yourself

I'm the cute red head in the middle....green dress. Go here to play.

In-Laws

So the in-laws are headed back through town today and are spending one more night with us. The good part is that I won't be cooking tonight. The bad part is that now that the baby is starting to get back into a normal routine (aka, isn't crabby anymore), we're going to screw all of that up again. I hate it when that happens but at least I know we'll survive it. Just like I'll survive this job.

Happy freaking Thursday, the weekend is sneaking up on us...and that is a fine, fine thing!

When the morning is just right...

When the morning light is just right, I find myself daydreaming about what it'll be like to be a nurse. I always, always, always have a smile on my face when this happens. I'm happy today...despite the fact that I have to go give a presentation at 9:00AM. It'll be fun though. Its with a lovely group of ladies.

Here's to an increasingly awesome Hump Day.

Issues.

I'm having problems today. I think I'll be ok here in about 24-48 hours. Should have my head on straight again by then. But for now I'm a little bit foggy, distracted, whatever. Here's hoping I can push through the rest of today.

Happy Monday!!

Now what?

So last week we drove to WV to do the funeral and family thing. It was bittersweet. I had this moment while we were blowing things up on Saturday where I could hear everyone laughing and clapping and it felt so good to be with all of them and savor in that moment of joy in the midst of our grief. I'm so lucky. I love being with my family. I love being with my husband's family. Life is good. Life is good. But I sure do miss my grandpa.

Work schmerk. I'm applying for jobs because I'm ready for something different. I'm ready for different people, different leadership, environment... I realize that its a crap shoot as to how well it could work out, but at this point I really don't give a shit. Bring it.

I've been restless for the last month (year) or so. I'm anxious to get out of this state, let alone this job, because I know in my heart that it isn't where I want us to be long term. I also know that I only want us to make one more big move if we can help it. Being home stirred up some feelings of wanting to be there for my folks when they are older and less able like my mom and dad are for all of my grandparents and for our kids to be close to my folks...have a relationship with them...have their help when we need it and vise/verse. I had the privilege of living close to both sets of grandparents and having good relationships with them. I'm just having a hard time seeing us living there. Don't get me wrong, its a great town....but its a small town. I want more for my family. More employment options, school options, life options, etc. We aren't going to find that in north central WV at this time. I was chatting about all of this to Derek in the car on the way home yesterday and he wasn't as clear as I was about KY no longer being on the table long term. Luckily he didn't protest to my resolve to leave. But we did do the pros/cons run-down on living at home. I just need to take a deep breath and relax about it all. No need to rush anything along. It'll all come together when its supposed to. Ears to the ground for the right move at the right time.

On that note, enjoy the breathtaking view above of North Fork Mountain in the great state of West Virginia, makes my heart swell. Oh how I love that place. Oh how I long to feel at home somewhere....

See ya later.

So glad you were around to meet Lilly. We love you too, Grandpa.

See you later.

Summer Day Dream

One of these days I'm gonna have to come back down to earth, but not today. My heart aches for a trip to the beach, and until I get there you're going to have to deal with posts about said topic.

Work hasn't been the greatest lately which results in me spending down time at work day dreaming about what is next for my family. But I have worked to increase my productivity and improve my attitude. It helps. My attitude is the one thing I can control. Sometimes you have to pretend or "fake it till you make it." I'm here to tell you that this method actually works. That and jello with fruit in it...and reggae music. I know, I'll make a list of things that spell summer to me. You go do the same thing right now.

1. American Graffiti

2. Listening/dancing to oldies

3. Jimmy Buffet (when I'm in the mood)

4. Cold glasses of French Chardonay

5. Swimming pools.

6. Driving through the lush, green WV mountains

7. Summer Rental (so cheezy, so reminiscent of vacations of my youth).

8. Sunscreen

9. Smell of cut grass/sound of lawn mowers

10. Sound of summer bugs buzzing in the evening

11. Dinner on the grill...

12. That full body exhaustion after being in the pool...and the smell of chlorine on my skin

13. Red Stripe

14. Pictures of the beach....

15. Old Crow Medicine Show's "Down Home Girl"

16. Coming down the last mountain in VA on I77 and crossing right into NC where the wild flowers are in bloom in the median all spring and summer long.

17. Bringing it all Back Home

18. The smell of self tanner (because they all smell the same...and all give you orange elbows/knees). Nothing like paying $8 for a tan.

19. Afternoon drives (and midnight escapes) through the TN mountains

20. CatFish Fry's

21. Lightnin' Bugs (aka Fire Flies)

22. Trips to the library for summer reading

23. My grandma's stifling hot kitchen and home cookin'

24. James Taylor

25. Sitting on the beach with a Louis L'amour book, a frostly Coke Classic and a bag of Frito's Scoops. Sugar, salt, sand, water. Amen.

Daydream away....your turn!

Molly Jane

Its Ffffffffriiiiiiday.

Its Friday in Kentucky. I'm working.

For lots of people in Holden Beach, NC, its the last full day of vacation.

Better get on the beach and enjoy it while you can! Look at how pretty it is! Hi birdie, I'll be seeing you next year...but I'll be down a few islands at Sunset Beach.

Happy weekending to the rest of the working world! Its definitely what I

live for after a rough week like this...I'm sure it is for you too.

Live From Holden Beach, NC

EarthCam - Holden Beach Cam

Shared via AddThis

Positive Thinking - Take Two

Breathing in fresh mountain air.

Breathing out pollution.

Breathing in fresh mountain air.

Breathing out pollution.

Breathing in positivity.

Breathing out negativity.

Breathing in positivity.

Breathing out negativity.

_________________

I'm homesick for these here mountains.

The end...love,

Molly

Office Hero Award

I'm really proud of you.

I'm really proud of you.

Lets hope things really change.

Love,

Me

Positive Thinking

This picture makes me feel good.

Hope it does the same for you.

Namaste.

Ohmmmmmmmmmm.

Equestrian Madness

So I live in Lexington, Kentucky, home of the upcomming 2010 World Equestrian Games.  Its a big deal.  The local Kentucky Horse Park has revamped, refurbished and rebuilt about everything there.  Lexington has major construction happening to increase housing, hotels, amenities, etc.  Landmarks are being torn down on a promise and a handshake and then nothing is being built in its place.  Its a big mad mess...imagine Bejing preparing for the Olympics but on a smaller scale and with less human rights violations....for the most part.  

I really don't want to be here next year when this thing happens.  This could be a permanent move (because I'm always looking for another reason to move...wink!) or a long vacation, either way I want no part of it.  This is a medium sized town with a small (two lanes in each direction, nothing to brag about) beltway that goes in a circle around it so I imagine traffic will be a nightmare.  Traffic is a nightmare without extra people.  Also dining out will be a nightmare, shopping will be a nightmare, everything will be a nightmare.  I realize that in the grand scheme, the games are a great thing for this town.  It will bring jobs, world exposure, growth, and the money-money-money that it needs.  But it reminds me that I'd rather be living in a town that doesn't have that much need, that has its traffic under control via brand new 6-8 lane interstates, and that doesn't have some sort of major event planed anytime in the next 5-10 years.  I don't hate on Lexington, but I don't love it either. 

Cheers to you on a Friday,

Molly

A Year Ago

I was pregnant and we were at the beach on our last vacation solo for a long-ass time.  We went to Holden Beach and stayed in a tiny effeciency right on the beach.  It was just right for us although lacking in some amenities (washer/dryer, dish washer, private cabana, shower).  I washed clothes in the bathtub twice.  It sucked, but I managed because I'm a hearty mountain woman.  The hard part was wringing everything out really good and then hanging everything outside and making sure nothing fell in the sand.  Anywho, I'm itching for some sort of vacation after our lovely 3 day weekend.  We had a pretty good time hanging out at the house, grocery shopping, buying crap for Lilly (see: high chair!).  It would be nice to get to do something similar (see: not really doing anything) at the beach.  That most likely won't be happening this year, but I'm mostly ok with it.  We're planning a few little trips toward the end of the summer and fall.  One long weekend to the mountains and one "business/research" trip to Greensboro (I'm not excited about this one at all).  And we're contemplating a journey west for Thanksgiving this year.  West as in Utah to the inlaws.  Might be fun to change things up and it'll be quite the adventure taking Lilly on her first plane trip.  And in to Vegas, no less.  Well, gives me something to work on today!  

Happy Fake Monday.

  

I Bought a Grill!

I almost totally forgot that the best part of this weekend (aside from our Star Trek adventure, of course) was when Lilly and I picked out and bought a new grill!  Its being delivered on Tuesday (which is tomorrow) and I'm sooooo excited to use it!!!   Soooo excited.  Here it is. Its got heavy duty steele and is just the right size.  I'm ready to rock out with my....something out.

Yay!

Friday Night at the SkyVueTwin

So Derek and I have been wanting to see the new Star Trek movie bad.  So bad that we decided to drag ourselves and sick baby to the Sky Vue Twin Drive-In.  The movie was set to start at dusk (which is around 9:00PM here) and we got there around 7:30.  So we pull up to the gate and Derek hands the cashier his debit card because we absolutely never have cash on hand.  I realize this is bad.  So she say's, "sorry, we only accept cash."  So Derek asks if there is an ATM close buy and she says "yeah, there's a gas station right down the road on the right."  

Well, this drive-in is about 10 miles out in the country, outside of Lexington and I only remembered passing a "Midway Mart" about midway between the drive-in and town.   So we take off back down the country two-lane so we can get us some cash and get parked for the movie.  So we get to the Midway Mart and Derek comes out about 5 minutes later.  Apparently the ATM was broken and there were some issues with communication (the attendent was foreign-go figure).  He had to buy something to get cash, but the attendant sold it to him out of the cash he wanted back. Does that make sense?  He asked for $20 cash, but with his drink he ended up with about $17 cash back.  Rediculous.  No consessions for us. 

So we drive in a hurry back to the drive-in and get our spot.  But our spot ends up being in the back row because we are in the baby mobile, hoopty SUV.  So we ate our dinner (which was iChing and it sucked hard), fussed with the fussy baby trying to get her to sleep, and constantly asked eachother when the movie would start.  At some point during our 1 hour plus wait this giant, extended cab pick-up pulls in next to us.  In it resides a lovely red-neck couple: one rough looking 40 something fella, complete with moustache, and a skinny, rough looking 30 something female with long braides, tight jeans and pink shirt.  She dressed way too young, but it made him happy.  So right when the previews started the tinted windows go up and they start humping like the earth is about to implode.  They were loud and inappropriate.  But then again, it is the drive-in and anything goes when you have tinted windows!   

Here's what we learned for next time: 

1. Bring cash 

2. Bring our own concessions (popcorn!)

3. Don't go to iChing ever again

4. Clean the windshield

5. Don't show up until 8:30PM

6. Bring layers

Refreshed, renewed,...re-ear infections?

So after a great weekend home in WV, little baby decided to go whole hog and get some hardcore ear infections.  From everyone's comments at work, I'm learning that this is quite a normal illness for babies.  Still sucks though.  She had a horrible temp all of Monday and we finally got her in to the doctor on that evening.  She's on amoxicillin and IB profen.  Her fever is gone but she's left with a lovely dry cough that wakes her up from sound sleep.  Oh, and she's still teething which hasn't helped this situation at all. Pure baby misery. One tooth finally broke though, but it'll probably take a while to really show.  

Like I said....

No more posts about Chemistry.  But I can post about my grade. 

B is for bitch, which is what chemistry is to me.  I can't wait to sell me book.  I'll use that $5 to buy myself something nice.

Love,

Molly Jane

Last Post about Chemistry 103

This was the hardest semester I've had since the last semester of college for my first degree. That was when I was taking Intro to Electronics in the Recording Studio.  Difficult material, bad instructor, zero comprehension = F.  My first and only F in college.  It was soooo horrible.  I was such a wreck those last few nights because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to graduate.  This particularly freaked me out because I had a bunch of my family in town (parents, sister, aunts uncles) and Derek's parents flew out for the occasion as well.  It was a big deal!  My fears were all unwarranted because the rest of my grades that semester (and beyond) were pretty good.  I would have graduated either way.  But I was thrashing and crying, I was sick of my roomate, sick of living in a dorm room, I was stressed out about getting ready to move in with Derek (what will the family think?  living in sin...oh my, oh my!...will I go to hell if I do this?...does hell exist?), no job prospects, no career prospects really (I had no clue, I wasn't happy about anything career wise), no apartment prospects.  I had no plan, we had no plan =  a bad scene for Molly Jane and her loved ones.  I drank alot of happy tea that semester with the genderist (thank goodness, right genderist?) and that about saved me.  She was wrapping up nursing school...

Everything worked out, though.  Derek and I found an apartment after a very difficult (2 day) search.  I found a temp job, which turned into a regular job with benefits, which essentially led me to right where I am.  Derek got his Associates Degree, Undergrad, Masters and will eventually obtain his PhD.  His education has taken us from Nashville, to St. Louis and eventually to right where we are now in Kentucky.   We have a beautiful, perfect baby which led me towards a career in nursing.   Which is why I took this chemistry class...which I think I've conquered.  Here's hoping they post the damn grade soon. 

Cheers,

Molly Jane

This week's to do list.

1. Walmart list: Small vaccum for stairs, hair gel, large flower pots (2), 2 rose bushes, broom thing to clean beams with and *clamato juice.

2. Run the weed-eater

3. Cut down small, half-dead tree in front yard

4. Plant rose bushes where small half-dead tree used to sit. 

5. Mulch

6. Clean downstairs

7. Clean out fridge/freezer

8. Clean out pantry

9. Do laundry

10. Pack for trip to WV (woo hoo!)

11. Get present for little sister's graduation

12. Get presents for Mothers' Day

13. Buy a grill, damnit.

14. Watch the Golden Girls

15. Spend quality time with Baby and Baby-daddy

16. Not worry about anything.

*The Clamato juice (tomato juice with a splash of clam juice) will be mixed with beer to make a Red Rooster.  Its something my grandma used to drink...I love it.  

What to do?

So we actually had a really nice visit with our family (albiet for a funeral, but it got us all together...thanks Grandma, we missed you).  It stirred up some thoughts with my husband and myself.  

Thought 1: A nice chunk of our family lives in Colorado, including my sister-in-law (and husband), an Aunt and Uncle, Cousin (with wife and child) and it would be nice to live in the same town as some of our family. 

Thought 2: Colorado doesn't require licensure to practice mental health professions.  So basically, my husband could hang a sign and start practicing as a Marriage and Family Therapist.  This is especially tempting because in KY or any other state (!) he has to have a certain number of supervision hours (therapy where he works with another therapist on the side to ensure he's "on the right track" essientially).  You have to pay a supervisor for these hours.  Once you've completed these supervision hours, then you can apply for professional licensure.  

Problem 1: Durango is in the middle of nowhere and really far from my parents (the farthest I'd ever have lived from them).  We're talking a plane ride across country, then a 3 hour car ride.  Talk about a pain in the ass to visit.  My in-laws aren't even that close to this town.  From where they live in Utah, its still an 8 hour drive.  Not convenient, might as well fly somewhere.  

Problem 2: Durango is in the middle of nowhere.  There is a college there (Fort Lewis College), but it has no nursing program, let alone a 2nd degree nursing program.  There is a branch of the "nearby" community college (Pueblo Community College) in town and it has some basic nursing programs (LPN, RN, etc), its not quite what I want and wouldn't be as convenient as UK or UNC Greensboro (both of which have what I want and would be convenient if we lived in their respective towns).  So there's that.  

Problem/Thought 3: Durango is a small resort town located in the beautiful white capped mountains of southwestern Colorado.  This means that realestate is really, really expensive and that isn't going to change...ever.  Although the views are breathtaking from any where you stand in Durango, a manufactured home (see: trailor) cost you upwards of $250K.  Really?  Really.  So you can imagine what an actual (stick built) house or cabin would cost you.  My family ain't livin' in no trailor, the end.  Unfortunately, the nearest subdivision is in Farmington, NM.  And although Farmington is nice, its not in Colorado, which means no practicing M&FT out of our

 home, with no license. 

Problem/Thought 4: What if Derek wants to continue his PhD?  Fort Lewis doesn't have any graduate programs.  Granted, we could move to Boulder or Denver, but that would mean being far away from the family (see Thought 1).  I just don't see the point to that.   

So here's where I am with this whole thing: Although the practicing therapy aspect of moving to Colorado would be great and somewhat easy to start up, I don't think its the best decision for us long term.  I'm afraid Derek will get bored or won't be able to build up a strong enough client base (in a town of 15,000) or that I won't be able to find a job or won't be happy with the nursing program thats available.  I have grown quite accustomed to living in towns that have lots of modern conveniences (like places to shop and lots of ethnic restaurants and things to do with the kids and religious diversity, etc, etc, etc).   Of course I could adjust, but right now I don't want to.  I get a sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach when I think about being so far away from my home-home/parents.  I realize thats normal and that feeling would probably fade over time?  Being close to the family would be great, but it'd be good in NC too.  I have two aunts and a cousin in Raleigh, and a half day drive from my parents.  Not bad.  All the modern conveniences, a synagog near by in Chapel Hill, tons of schools to choose from for Lilly, very reasonably priced realestate, lots of major employers, lots of colleges for Derek and I to choose from, the ocean or mountains only a 3 hour drive away, a major airport for Derek's parents/sister and my sister (who is officially moving to Mississippi this summer)...the list goes on.  The supervision requirements for Derek's licensure in NC are less than here in KY.  Have I mentioned the climate yet?  Summer lasts about 3 months in CO, here in the east, it lasts about 5-6 months.  And winters are hard in the mountains, I know this because I grew up in some.   Mild winters don't sound so bad to me these days, especially after this winter (which almost stole my soul).  I mean, really KY?  I thought it would be like TN here.  Its totally not like TN at all.   

I'm not feeling it right now.  That doesn't mean that I couldn't change my mind...I'm open minded enough, it could happen.  Do you believe me?   

Happy, happy, happy Friday,
Molly Jane