Love Letter to Tennessee

My Sweet Tennessee,

Its been a while since I've spent some time with you, but I miss you and think of you almost every day. You were the place that I ran away from home to at the unripe age of eighteen. You didn't always prove as sweet as your tea; there were many lonely, sad nights. But you did give me some of the greatest gifts I could have asked for: friends and a life partner.

I moved from a small town to a…small town (but it was close to a big city!). When I came to you my only thoughts were how awesome I was and how awesome my major was. In high school, I was 3rd chair All-State percussionist, Drum Captain, had good grades, cool clothes, listened to cool music and had a subscription to SPIN and Rolling Stone (even though both of those magazines were more commercial that I would have preferred, they kept me in the know). Even though I never really had a real solid game plan…or knew what my niche was going to be…I was going to get the hell out of dodge and be even more awesome!

For my first year, along with 15 hours of classes, I signed up to be in the funked up Band of Blue. To say the least, I wasn't prepared for the oppressive heat and humidity I would endure all day, for two full weeks of band camp before school even started. I also had no clue what an awesome band this was. When the first day rolled around we were in a rehearsal hall in the music building and you had to audition on whatever drum you wanted, in front of everyone who obviously knew way more about what that was about than I did (not having come from a true to form competitive marching band experience). I immediately noticed that everyone on snare, my drum, played old fashioned style (one stick over, one stick over) and I freaked out because I had absolutely no experience with that and didn't think I'd survive the audition. I quietly slipped off the drum, removed the nasty smirk from my face and snuck down the stairs to stand with the cymbal players. With no regrets I can say that I chickened out. It was a good move because a.) I didn't have spend quality time with douche-bag drummers and b.) I made some amazing friends. I laughed every time I was with them, even though the drum instructor (Andy), and all the other guys in the drum line, made us feel like second class citizens. Fuck those guys, we knew how to have a damn good time. They gave us music but we never really played it, we kind of made up our own parts to suit us. Why? Because who gave a shit? Andy certainly didn’t. So long as we got the big splashes and crashes and knew when to turn around and be a walking cymbal stand for the snare players. Many of my good friends had left the marching band that second year and the luster had kind of worn off.

As you remember, Tennessee, I had some personal ups and downs in college. I dated some weird boys, had some odd blind dates, made the mistake of speaking to the media once (and had my name subsequently drug through the proverbial mud in the crappy school paper), and was in general, really lost. I remember my good friend, Genderist, asking me that last year or so "So, what are you going to do after college? Do you have a plan?" I don't remember my answer, so it must not have been significant. The truth was that I didn't have a plan. I didn't have good advisers or the tenacity to go to them to say "I'm scared and I don't know what to do after college." What I didn’t know about life, you would hand to me on a silver platter in a small office in Brentwood, TN.

Immediately after college, my then boyfriend and I moved in together. This was a big step, as it helped me begin to get over the dogma that plagued me about things like "living in sin" and helped us get to know one another. So, lets get back to that silver platter. Right after college, my boyfriend wanted the opportunity to go back to school. The agreement was that I would work and pay the bills while he went back to school which I was fine with. I just didn't really know how to go about the whole job thing. Do I try to procure a job in the "industry"? How? So I went to a staffing company in downtown Nashville. I took the little computer aptitude tests, answered all of her questions and she called me back the next day with a secretarial gig. The following day I went to work in a branch office of AIG VALIC Financial Advisers. This job gave me work skills, professionalism, tons of access to the internet, confidence, and exposure to the business world="polish". By the time I left there, I understood the importance of benefits, steady pay, and working for a large corporation. It was a great experience that I always look back to. I had a beautiful drive every day up and down Old Hickory Blvd, through the country to our little apartment in Bellevue. TN really is a beautiful place and this helped me to appreciate you that much more.

Tennessee, you gave me the opportunity to do the college thing, to be away from "home", to try new things like getting my nose pierced, to love sushi, try liquor, date boys, discover "good" country music, biscuits, catfish, sweet tea, see the Parliament Funkadelic in-person, to walk around campus in the middle of the night rocking out to my discman (that’s right, the pre-iPod world) and proper southern etiquette. Thinking back, I also had the opportunity to go to the home town's of my three closest friends: Mags in East TN, James in Southern TN and Crystal in Western TN. I love all three of you for sharing your Tennessee with me…and for accepting me and my flaws and weirdness.