Love Letter to Tennessee

My Sweet Tennessee,

Its been a while since I've spent some time with you, but I miss you and think of you almost every day. You were the place that I ran away from home to at the unripe age of eighteen. You didn't always prove as sweet as your tea; there were many lonely, sad nights. But you did give me some of the greatest gifts I could have asked for: friends and a life partner.

I moved from a small town to a…small town (but it was close to a big city!). When I came to you my only thoughts were how awesome I was and how awesome my major was. In high school, I was 3rd chair All-State percussionist, Drum Captain, had good grades, cool clothes, listened to cool music and had a subscription to SPIN and Rolling Stone (even though both of those magazines were more commercial that I would have preferred, they kept me in the know). Even though I never really had a real solid game plan…or knew what my niche was going to be…I was going to get the hell out of dodge and be even more awesome!

For my first year, along with 15 hours of classes, I signed up to be in the funked up Band of Blue. To say the least, I wasn't prepared for the oppressive heat and humidity I would endure all day, for two full weeks of band camp before school even started. I also had no clue what an awesome band this was. When the first day rolled around we were in a rehearsal hall in the music building and you had to audition on whatever drum you wanted, in front of everyone who obviously knew way more about what that was about than I did (not having come from a true to form competitive marching band experience). I immediately noticed that everyone on snare, my drum, played old fashioned style (one stick over, one stick over) and I freaked out because I had absolutely no experience with that and didn't think I'd survive the audition. I quietly slipped off the drum, removed the nasty smirk from my face and snuck down the stairs to stand with the cymbal players. With no regrets I can say that I chickened out. It was a good move because a.) I didn't have spend quality time with douche-bag drummers and b.) I made some amazing friends. I laughed every time I was with them, even though the drum instructor (Andy), and all the other guys in the drum line, made us feel like second class citizens. Fuck those guys, we knew how to have a damn good time. They gave us music but we never really played it, we kind of made up our own parts to suit us. Why? Because who gave a shit? Andy certainly didn’t. So long as we got the big splashes and crashes and knew when to turn around and be a walking cymbal stand for the snare players. Many of my good friends had left the marching band that second year and the luster had kind of worn off.

As you remember, Tennessee, I had some personal ups and downs in college. I dated some weird boys, had some odd blind dates, made the mistake of speaking to the media once (and had my name subsequently drug through the proverbial mud in the crappy school paper), and was in general, really lost. I remember my good friend, Genderist, asking me that last year or so "So, what are you going to do after college? Do you have a plan?" I don't remember my answer, so it must not have been significant. The truth was that I didn't have a plan. I didn't have good advisers or the tenacity to go to them to say "I'm scared and I don't know what to do after college." What I didn’t know about life, you would hand to me on a silver platter in a small office in Brentwood, TN.

Immediately after college, my then boyfriend and I moved in together. This was a big step, as it helped me begin to get over the dogma that plagued me about things like "living in sin" and helped us get to know one another. So, lets get back to that silver platter. Right after college, my boyfriend wanted the opportunity to go back to school. The agreement was that I would work and pay the bills while he went back to school which I was fine with. I just didn't really know how to go about the whole job thing. Do I try to procure a job in the "industry"? How? So I went to a staffing company in downtown Nashville. I took the little computer aptitude tests, answered all of her questions and she called me back the next day with a secretarial gig. The following day I went to work in a branch office of AIG VALIC Financial Advisers. This job gave me work skills, professionalism, tons of access to the internet, confidence, and exposure to the business world="polish". By the time I left there, I understood the importance of benefits, steady pay, and working for a large corporation. It was a great experience that I always look back to. I had a beautiful drive every day up and down Old Hickory Blvd, through the country to our little apartment in Bellevue. TN really is a beautiful place and this helped me to appreciate you that much more.

Tennessee, you gave me the opportunity to do the college thing, to be away from "home", to try new things like getting my nose pierced, to love sushi, try liquor, date boys, discover "good" country music, biscuits, catfish, sweet tea, see the Parliament Funkadelic in-person, to walk around campus in the middle of the night rocking out to my discman (that’s right, the pre-iPod world) and proper southern etiquette. Thinking back, I also had the opportunity to go to the home town's of my three closest friends: Mags in East TN, James in Southern TN and Crystal in Western TN. I love all three of you for sharing your Tennessee with me…and for accepting me and my flaws and weirdness.

Things I Like...Until I Change My Mind

1. T-shirts that have this on them (look left)
2. Video's of cute babies doing cute things
3. Unexpected cool weather at the end of August
4. The ability to listen to stand-up comedy all day
5. Podcasts (free ones)
6. Horror blogger Final Girl, because she's effing funny
7. Counting repeatedly to 5 with my kid in the car this morning.
8. My fancy new derby roller states that the SIL and I just ordered. Its gettin' real, y'all!
9. Kind, genuine heath care professionals working towards the greater good and not their own glory.
10. I started a new blog, but I'm not going to share it with you. I will say that its getting way more traffic than this one ever will and that you get a warning before getting to it.
11. Kentucky Ale
12. Twitter...because I get it now.
13. The interwebs...because the interwebs are awesome.

Sugar, Piss and Everything A'miss

Ok, not really! I'm fairly happy, so its mainly just the sugar part. I had a nice evening...out. I took off after I heard the baby fall asleep. I headed to Gabe's to see if they had some cheap fish nets, but alas they did not. But I did find some really cool knee highs. One pair with multi-colord hearts, another with stripes. I got a pair for the SIL too. They will be perfect for derby. Ahhhhhhh Derby, how I yearn for thee. I'm also nervous for thee. I went out on Monday morning to practice up the street at the tennis courts and busted my butt plenty. I also messed up my shoulder pretty bad, but that's about healed up. Funny...i might have to keep a running tab of injuries. Also, on the way back from the tennis courts the roads are mostly down hill, especially the street that leads to my culdisac. I was going super fast coming down the hill. I was moving so fast that I was afraid to try to drag my foot to slow down for fear that I'd lose my balance and fall down and break something, or run into a car, or scrape all off the skin on my face. I had to pass my street until I could slow down enough to turn around, go back up the hill a little and turn onto my street....which is also down hill but not so scary.

The weekend is almost here and can't get here soon enough. I have a few dates set up for dinner and roller skating. The rest of the time I'm spending with that baby because really, she's the best thing I've ever, ever, ever done.

Peace out.

Fridayed. Derbied. Sundayed. Mondayed.

SIL and I went to a derby bout on Saturday night and it was awesome. Tubular to the max. Those girls were bad to the bone...most of them anywho. Can't wait to have a booty that I won't mind showing off in fishnets and hot pants.

Overall it was a full weekend. I had a date night out with Daddy on Friday. We went to dinner and then to the drive-in. Saturday was fun with baby, to the park, grocery shopping, then the bout that evening with SIL. Sunday was another baby day with a dog washing, floor scrubbing, a trip to the library and True Blood watching. It was a really full weekend. SIL and I are bonding, which is good. She and her brother are still getting used to being around one another...you know, its different as adults.

I'm starting to feel the need to run off a little, either just me and baby or just me. Maybe I'll do that a little this week or next. Its just easier than to constantly be explaining how to deal with the baby....or just to deal with the baby...or anyone else. Its also way less distracting This exercise is showing me the importance of giving myself a little away/me time.

Big shout out to Jon-boy on the first week (mostly) in his new job! Special thoughts requested for my friends Genderist and Shawn, as both have close family members who are ill.

Eventually to the love letter....Molly

Douche-Nozzle Confirmation

And just to prove my point, I received the below email this morning...which made me wretch. Please note that names have been changed to protect the innocent (and non-innocent).

Respected Ms. Blogger

I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to request your assistance with a letter of recommendation. If you would be so kind as to support my application, kindly address the below listed criteria for awards in your letter.

Criteria:
i) Demonstrated excellence in the conduct of original research in oncology
ii) Academic performance and credentials
iii) Medical aptitude
iv) Plans for a career in academic medicine
v) Demonstrated leadership among peers

I have attached my vita for your viewing pleasure.

Upon completion, please make two separate copies of the letter, one entitled "Douche Canadian - Something Something General Scholarship Award Letter" and another titled "Douche Canadian - Something More Specific Scholarship Award Letter." Both letters can be sent to Ms. Innocent at your earliest convenience.

Please let me know if I can provide any other information.

Warm Regards
Yours sincerely,
Douche Canadian

Now, lets cover a few items: Yeah, I'm going to do it because I have to. Technically the letters would be from the boss. But all I'm really going to do is reformat a letter previously written and have him sign off. And yeah, he's trying to be cutesy with me. But I didn't acknowledge any of that. I sent a curt response about a deadline and that I would inform him upon its completion. A month ago I would have fretted about the letter and would have sent him multiple cutesy emails in response. I think he thinks he has me (because technically...he did for a while). Does that make sense? I'm relieved that is all behind me. Two themes come to mind: "growing up is hard to do" and "I'm too old for this bull-shit". Maple sucker.

Next up, something way more fun: a Love Letter (but to whom?)

Why you gotta make me hate Canada?*

I'm so annoyed that I'm not even embarrassed to write this out. I am who I am and this is what it is.

So I work in an administrative office in a hospital...at a large university. My boss is a doctor and is the director of this part of the hospital. He also leads a rather large group of academic researchers including some students. Over the last 4 months or so I've participated in a friendly bout of emails with one of these student researchers. He's young, about 5 years my junior, very cute and funny and Canadian. We've exchanged emails to pass the time and stave off boredom and have some sort of social interaction outside of our every day blah. I've gone back and forth in my head about this kid. Although we've talked quite a bit, I still know little to nothing about who he really is and that really bothered me. We've also not spent much time together in person, which in retrospect was a godsend because it was almost always awkward.

So this morning, I've learned here in my office by some folks that I work with (via blatant eves-dropping) that he's a bit of a manipulator, even with my boss (the nice, big time director). He's this young kid that plays all sides and it has helped me come to the conclusion that our friendship has probably been based upon what (work-related) favors I end up doing for him. Well, there's officially no longer any question of that. I'm not even mad at him, I'm just relieved for myself. For my soul. My inner little girl needs a break from all the internalizing. Besides, I'm way too cool for any of that noise.

However, she's totally ready for some roller derby. Speaking of, I now have a set of killer (Triple8) pads. SIL and I are going to the rink tonight to practice and try on some skates in the skate shop. I'm going to attempt to skate backwards (something I've always failed miserably at). I can do it!

Have an awesome day!


*This post was previously titled "Why you gotta make me hate Canada, f#cker?"

Aunt Anne's Vanilla Custard Pie

Aunt Anne’s Vanilla Custard Pie

Filling
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups milk
2 egg yolks, lightly beaten
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Combine the graham cracker crumbs, brown sugar and butter; press onto the bottom and up the sides of an ungreased 9-in. pie plate. Bake at 350° for 8-10 minutes or until lightly browned. Cool on a wire rack.
In a small saucepan, combine the sugar, flour and salt. Stir in milk until smooth. Cook and stir over medium-high heat until thickened and bubbly. Reduce heat; cook and stir 2 minutes longer. Remove from the heat. Stir a small amount of hot filling into egg yolks; return all to the pan. Bring to a gentle boil, stirring constantly; cook and stir 2 minutes longer. Remove from the heat. Gently stir in vanilla. Pour into crust.

Meringue
2 egg whites
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/4 cup sugar

In a small bowl, beat the egg whites, vanilla and cream of tartar on medium speed until soft peaks form. Gradually beat in sugar, 1 tablespoon at a time, on high until stiff peaks form. Spread over hot filling, sealing edges to crust. With a wooden spoon, sweep some of the meringue upward to form decorative peaks for decoration.

Bake at 350° for 15 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on a wire rack for 1 hour. Refrigerate for at least 3 hours before serving. Yield: 8 servings.

Get. Ready.

I just bought my first pair of roller skates today. They were cheap, but I don't care. I just want to get some wheels under me and get comfortable. Its going to be ugly for a while, but thats ok.

I'm ready to bleed.

Special Delivery, The Positive and Pie* (said with Cartman voice)

Sister in Law (SIL) is here and all's well. She arrived last night around 6:00. The dogs are still adjusting, but they are in pretty good shape. Husband is home today helping SIL get everything she needs, get her room set up and acquaint her with town. I have to say she's a beautiful person, has endured a lot over the last year and I'm pretty happy to have her so close. SIL is a bit of a hippie, is Buddhist, yoga lover (and certified instructor), world traveler, almond milk drinker and, get this, Roller Derby lover. Woot! We're going to go to a practice and maybe try out with the local team. Will keep you posted on this. Also, she's willing to go to temple with me and Lilly. Finally, we can be proper Jews.

Having been massively depressed for the last, oh, I don't know, 72 hours or so, I'm happy to announce that my mental status is much improved. I just needed to hit bottom. But now I'm keepin' it positive, people! On a side note, "Keepin' it positive" was my personal mantra the last 3 months of my previous position. In essence, it was my own version of "fake it till you make it." Slowly but surely, my good friends that were under that leadership are officially all out of there. That seems pretty darn positive to me.

Next up is my great Aunt Anne's Custard Pie. This is a vanilla custard pie with a graham cracker crust and Aunt Anne's perfect meringue. And the custard is real vanilla custard, made with lots of eggs and not a package of vanilla pudding. It also has a real meringue, with the tips ever so slightly browned. Its my dad's preferred birthday treat and I plan on making him one when I go home. Sadly, all the little old ladies don't do much in the way of baking these days. I don't have a recipe, so I'll be utilizing my Better Homes and Gardens cookbook and my skillz. I need to get one practice pie in to make sure it works. Then I'll provide the recipe and photos. Stay tuned!

Boxes, Bourbon and Butter in the Face

Today is the day that my Sister in Law arrives. We've worked hard rearrange the garage, clean out the guest room, stow away and throw away, etc. Friday when we got home for the day, there were 9 boxes waiting on us at the front door, blocking the entrance. The boxes were pretty funny and were labeled in a way that might predict my future. One box said this: Yak blanket, beads, etc. Another: Winter clothes. Another: Meditation room. This will be interesting.

My new household will look like this: 3 Adults, 1 Toddler, 3 Dogs. That's a lot of people/creatures to feed and care fore. Between the three of us all working together towards the common good, I think we'll be ok.

Last week and this past weekend was rough. Having spent a fun week in the sun, followed immediately by a week in an office (with little to no access to the sun), along with the stress of financial strain, has sent me into a whirlwind depression. I'm starting to do things like resent and be mean to my husband. He's been real patient with me, so that's good. I just feel like all I did this weekend was be irrational and then apologize. I apologized a lot. I also drank bourbon, but only a little in an overly sweet Mint Julep. I took a walk today at lunch over to my old office and visited with a few friends and just hanging out and laughing out loud has helped tremendously. So thanks.

I attempted to make a pie yesterday. It was a vanilla cream pie (see: vanilla pudding, cook and serve style) with a graham cracker crust. I had a graham cracker crust kit, so I just had to add sugar and butter. I decided to melt the butter in a measuring cup in the microwave. But when I opened the door and grabbed the handle, the butter exploded everywhere. I just kind of stood there waiting for the pain, but none came. I lucked out. But the real suck part was that I had to clean the butter off the kitchen floor. Not easy.

Things are getting better, even as I type this. Tomorrow, I'm keepin' it positive and Aunt Anne's Vanilla Custard Pie recipe.

Love,
Molly