Survival for Purpose

I think regularly about the word survival.  I have almost survived 1.5 years of nursing school.  That's 3 whole semesters.  We don't really make enough money to make ends meet, but we do survive thanks to things like student loans and bitchin' tax returns.  Sure, I get tired of living right under the wire, but I continually remind myself that in one more year, I'll be a straight up survivor. Let me tell you a little about my life and the roles I play: 

• Wife, daughter, sister, friend
• Mother to a 3 year old Petit Bebe
• Part time employee in an administrative office
• Full time Nursing student
• House keeper/meal planner/grocery buyer
• Clothes washer/dryer/put-away-er
• Household bill payer/accountant/panic-er
• Event/trip planner

I am in no way attempting to induce sympathy or declare my martyrdom.  For I do not exceed at all of these things.  In fact, I fail regularly in most of the above categories.  Lets count the ways:

• Monthly forget to pay a bill
• Wait until clothes are piled all over the house to start laundry...or clean house
• Forget to call my family for weeks at a time despite their attempts at contact due to stress-induced poor attention span
• Argue regularly with my husband about everything
• Forget to do things at work d/t constant studying or day dreaming
• Get angry at husband for playing on the internet when he could be doing dishes
• Over scheduling myself (at work/school/home) so that I lack time to just kick back and watch a movie with my old man on the couch
• I am almost NEVER in the moment

The young people I go to school with often list all of my responsibilities to me and follow it up with a "girl, I don't know how you do it all" or "wow, you have a lot of responsibilities".  I usually just kind of nod and sigh, because what else can I say?  I don't know why I signed up for school the semester after my daughter was born, I just new that I had to do it.  It came to me like i've always dreamed my life's purpose would: like a bolt of lightening to the forehead.  Right after delivering Petit Bebe, I just thought "wow, this nurse is really amazing....I need to give this back to the universe." Its been hard, these last 3 years of school and learning to be a mother, but I know that the payoff for me and my family is huge.  And nothing has been more reaffirming to me that this is what I'm meant to do than coming to school, digging my heels in and learning.  Its almost the hardest thing I've ever done and I love it. 

Two semesters to go.  We will survive them. 

Buying Jeans

Fuck me, I hate buying jeans.  I've set out and tried many, many times the last few years to purchase a pair of jeans that fit/look/feel right for my body.  Alas!  I walk away so many times unfulfilled to come home to the same two ill fitting pair.  I'm a high-rise woman in a low rise world and I've had it! Wow, I sound like Cathy.  Sorry.  I finally found the right size/fit at Macy's in their own generic brand, Style&Co or whatever it is.  I even opened a Macy's charge card to get the discount, which I'll be paying and closing shortly.  Its not the best pair of jeans though, its that thin denim material that is so popular right now.  Maybe some day I'll find a pair of Levi's that are right for me.


Oh, and by the way: "Natural Fit" = Mom Jeans.  Seriously, see image above.  I am not kidding.  Its 2012 and these exist in real time at Macy's.  They didn't look good on me and I can't see how they'd look good on ANYONE.  Whoever designed them can go fuck themselves.

The end.

Ohhhhh the West Virginia hills...

Its time for another episode of Molly packs up her kid and takes her away to the mountains!  I'm running away on Friday and I don't care who knows it. No, we aren't scouting for locations for our zombie apocalypse bunker/camp.  Just seeking some quality time with the family back home.  Lovin' on some old folks who need it and getting some love for ourselves. 

Had a decent week.  Did a lot of work on some papers and got pretty good grades in kind.  I'm thinking this semester is going to fly by like the rest but with better grades to show for it.  Before you know it, I'll be blogging about being a new nurse.  I am very excited for that day to come.  The monkey was so excited to go to school and have her "Balentimes Day" party.  I got her all dolled up in hearts today.  Even got a brush through the hair!

Had a fun show with baby sister this weekend.  She got us all caught up and for all intents and purposes, it was like a recorded phone conversation we'd have any other day of the week.  Hopefully it is as entertaining as I think it is in my head. 

Next weekend, February 24th, Jon Gent will be sharing his film insights and opinions with us.  I'm real excited about that one.  Ooooo, and Lara the Zombie Expert's husband Bryan will be joining us sometime in May or June to talk about Mothman and Shadow people.  It may be a two-parter. Excellent things to come!

More soon...or later,
Molly

Should have been there....

Greetings!

We had a super fun and informative episode of Greetings from Kentucky Live via Blog Talk Radio on Friday night.  You can listen to it right here and you should go do that as soon as possible so you know the Zombie odds and how to approach your survival.  Meanwhile, I'm pondering building out the crawl space under my house a bit for comfort.  I think we e could get a better door, seal some nooks and crannies up, install some benches and find a creative source for heat.  Figure out some non-perishables for our food supply and how to tell the kid we had to kill the dogs for protein.

Planning on packing up the kid in a few weeks and driving to WV. Mom's had a rough run with Grandma and is nearing complete caregiver burnout.  My mom is a nurse, but she doesn't need to be her mom's nurse.  Considering the situation, there's plenty of room to lose objectivity.  Also, I need a change of scenery for a few days and I absolutely love traveling with my daughter. Its just special and I love that we have places to go to that within a reasonable drive.  I'm pretty lucky in that regard. 

I've been thinking about job prospects once school is over and I'm considering applying to hospitals outside of the one associated with my current school.  From everything I've heard (and know from working and schooling here) there are much better places to be.  Its kind of a milestone for me to disassociate from this place.  I've been here for a long time and it wouldn't hurt me to get out in the world a bit. 

Love,
Molly

No Waves

Hello,

Its been a long week full of sleep deprivation, dieting and disappointment.  Turns out a friend of mine, who failed med-surg last semester and was retaking it, was accused of cheating.  Now, I love this girl and don't think she cheated.  She didn't need to cheat.  But her history with the college is full of heated meetings with professors, some too quickly sent angry emails and other such excitements.  In other words, she made lots of waves here. 

What this week has confirmed for me is that if you make waves, they can find a way for you to go away.  Although sometimes in life we need to make waves, for now I'll just be here, keepin' my head down and gettin' my work done.  I suggest you do the same.

Love,
Molly

Slapped Together and Tinny

I've just edited a short podcast that I recorded in my closet with my iPad.  What that means is I sound like I have a speech impediment and there's lots of digital noise.  I promise next time I'll use the good microphone.  Would love some serious feedback on the new format.  Click on image to load.


Love,
Molly

Cold, Wet, Inspired

This rain and misery in central Kentucky has inspired  in me a renewed desire to get off my bootay and do a few podcasts.  I've written more than one show and half of another.  I'm excited about it.  Sadly, I've had to drop Libsyn. Although it brings me many of my favorite podcasts, for the novice like myself it is very difficult to use and costs the monies. I'm going to try PodOmatic and see how that works.  If it is also too hard, I'm bailing and going back to my free account over at Blog Talk Radio.  Because to heck with all that, I just wanna have some fun again, y'all.  
Can you tell I'm trying not to use curse words? Because I am.  No cursing is warranted here. 

I cleaned out my CafePress shop because there was a bunch of illegal stuff in there.  Like logos that don't belong to me.  But I do have $2 to my credit.  Thanks Kim!

Its time to hit the skids. 

Love,
Molly

There's Grit in There Somewhere

Yesterday was my last full day off for a while.  It was great.  I cleaned, I took a long bath, I watched True Grit (2010), I made pumpkin pie.  It was super, duper.  Grilled pork steaks on the grill for dinner and fun with petite bebe followed by an early bed time.  Going to have to kick it in gear tonight to get the rest of the laundry folded and put up.  I also watched a movie called "Somewhere" by Sofia Copolla.  Really lovely.  Go watch it for some very quiet, and at times painful, introspection.


Having some time alone at home (with the dogs, of course) has resulted in me starting to love my home.  I've enjoyed working on it a bit and hope to get more done this semester.  Its a work in progress.  Someday I'll have it how I want it. 

Our 1997 Buick Skylark P-O-S is about dead in the water.  After over $1000 spent, no much luck.  We are going to have to sell her "as-is" on Craig's List here pretty soon.  Couldn't be better timing. Ahem.  

School officially starts tomorrow.  I'm pretty indifferent.  Trying to think about how to plan my day.  That will include bebe drop-off, trip to book store and then some reading prior to class.  Don't know how much of that I'll actually get done before class tomorrow.  I'd be worried, but that's not how I roll these days.  I'll for sure be missing my friends who either dropped out or will now be a semester behind.

I love endurance races, I love endurance races, I love endurance races. 

Love,
Molly