Running the Numbers

I’m frustrated and bored and feel the need to vent. I’m not trying to be negative, I’m just a little overwhelmed at the moment.

I’ve been in this job for about 9 months now and my responsibilities haven’t really increased. This has resulted in days where I have lots of things to do and days like today where I feel stir-crazy, useless, and bored out of my skull (that’s my favorite new way to describe boredom). This lack of work activity results in me spinning my wheels on things that aren’t important, I won’t go into the details here. It’s just not good. I also feel the need to get the hell out of dodge. The mere idea of moving away from here seems to make me think that will solve all of our problems. And we all know that isn’t a proven treatment for anyone. Here’s my short list of said problems:

1. Back in February, my husband’s hours got cut from 40 to 28 a week due to the now typical departmental cutbacks here at Large University. We hadn’t really felt this cut back until about April. That’s when all of our cars went to Shit City. We had to throw a ton of money into repairs, tows and eventually a new car. Poo poo poo. He’s looking for work, but if you live anywhere in this country, you know what a daunting task it is to find work in any field but nursing…and sometimes nursing.

2. During this period of time I was taking the Four Hours in the Evening right after 8 hours on the job with no chance to see my kid until morning Nurse Aid Class which almost killed me and my marriage. My husband was amazing during this period of time, so huge props to him for taking extra care of baby and for keeping me sane.

3. I’m in this job that is sadly starting to crush my soul. I’m paid the same amount of money I made previously (which is good), am referred to as a “secretary” or “receptionist” and do much, much less. I should be happy about that right? Nope, I have less purpose and drive now than I did working for the psycho. It might be time for a heart to heart with the boss.

4. Someone that I considered a good friend (although not a super close friend due to this person’s own trust issues) essentially broke up with me on his mother fucking blog. Not even the common courtesy to email, call or have lunch with me. It wasn’t lack of interest, concern or love that you haven’t heard from me, Number 4. I HAVE BEEN BUSY WITH LIFE WHICH HAS BEEN SHIT- KICKING MY ASS! Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna hang out, go see a cheesy movie or watch True Blood reruns with you sometime. You could call me or something. Gingers are forever. That is all.

5. Here’s one that number 4 will appreciate. We have someone here in my department who I get along with fine but who I’ve always heard non-specific rumors about in my previous life in HR. I was invited to participate in a committee for our website and how to make it better. I was actually pretty excited about it. It’s something I genuinely have experience in, I love editing, etc. So I get this annoying email today, basically outlining my role as “administrative assistant” for the team. What I get from this email is that I won’t really be an active participant, but the person in charge of recording minutes. He even took the time to define what an action item is. It was the most condescending email I’ve gotten in a long time. My friend said that he needed a kick in the taint or a taint-kicking. I can’t type that and not laugh. The end.

6. Monies suck. I hate money, especially when you need it. With my husband’s 30% hour cut-back, we’re still in the black, but we border on red almost every month. It sucks hard core. I get paid tomorrow and I already know where almost every penny will go over the next week, leaving us kind of lean the following week: mortgage, day care, groceries, diapers, dog food. The doggies are way over due for their check-ups and immunizations, but I know what that will cost when I go (atleast $150 per dog) and I can’t afford to pay for that right now. And I feel HORRIBLE about it.

I really want to hand this over to God and let it go and enjoy life. But I don’t believe in god, so that doesn’t quite work for me. Here’s what I do know: I know that no matter what, if we need help we can get it. I do enjoy every minute I spend with my baby, we have so much fun together. And I would like some more one on one time with my old man, but with the price of baby sitters and movie tickets, we’ll just have to make do with date nights at home with Red Box and take out.

And now, number 5 is standing at my desk and I need to escape. Have a great Memorial Day weekend. Thanks for listening.

Love,

Molly