Donut Days

Today is donut day. I've been craving some really good donuts for a while now and I finally was able to get my fix at a local joint. Dunkin Donuts sucks, so I like to stick with locally owned bakeries. Daddy, Bebe and I left a few minutes early so I could run in and grab a dozen or so to take into the office (and eat myself). And although I totally love the donuts at this joint, I also really love the scene.

When you walk in, the first thing that hits you is that unmistakable bakery smell. Its warm and inviting and tells you exactly where you are. This smell also makes me immediately think of Bonnie Bell bakery back home and how much I miss my mama. Then your eyes hit the beautiful, back-lit glass case that runs all the way from the left end of the bakery and about 3/4 of the way to the right. The rest of that space on the right is occupied by a diner counter. There are also some booths that sit against the windows that face the street in the front of the restaurant which are always mostly full when I go in. So the diner counter is always full of "the regulars" which consist of retired gentleman in suspenders drinking coffee and having a donut and what I imagine to be some great conversation. There are also the nice folks behind the counter (its a family operation) who will let you know they'll be with you as soon as they can, but are obviously not in any hurry. Its always women and although they have their hair and make up done, they have that tired and hard look to them. Its a look that makes me feel at home.

I'd love to go in there one day with the Daddy and Bebe, give her her first donut hole and just take it all in.

Life is good,
Molly

Doubt with Ankles Torn Assunder

Last night I was about 25 minutes into my 30 minute workout, in between reps of a certain squat exercise and I was feeling pretty pumped up and proud of myself because I was really rocking out. I’m getting into shape and it feels good. I was savoring my 10 second break between reps. What I usually do during that 10 seconds is try to stay moving, stretching and walking around in the little circle of my living room. So I was doing just that (walking in a circle) and taking a quick drink of water when my ankle gave right out on me and down I went like a ton of bricks, collapsed on the floor and gasping as the reality of the pain started to settle in. It crunched when it happened, so I knew it had to be pretty bad. This has happened to me quite a few times before, so my pride wasn’t so damaged as my ability to continue my work out. The girl on the screen kept trying to coax me back in to moving. “Let’s get moving!” she kept saying, but alas, I could not. Luckily, when I screamed as I went down, my lovely husband came “a’runnin to my rescue.” He brought me an ice pack and helped me upstairs to the bath tub. The funny part is that I remembered having sprained my ankle right before one of my solo trips to NC a few years back and that I had a really kickin’ ankle brace. The brace is foam rubber with stretchy, Velcro straps. It made the long drives to and from not so painful. However, the thoughts of those trips did bring me a pang of fear in my belly. And the pang led to a string of thoughts…

I’m someone who is very in touch with her emotions, be it joy, fear, sadness, depression, etc. I am incapable of hiding my emotions, and believe me I’ve tried. I’m also someone who has always been very emotionally connected to the places that I have been, whether for short or long periods of time. I believe that I’m connected to the earth, so to speak. I have always been that way and always will be. Every time I think about the possibility of living really far away from this end of the country (for example, in Utah), I get one, right smack in the gut. The thought of being so far away that I can’t drive to one particular place (including the people in those places) that I’m connected to (be it in WV, NC, KY, MO or TN) within a day or a half day’s time bothers me. What specifically bothers me is how much I still really want to live in North Carolina. Even now with our new priority of living close to family (and I do really want this), I can still feel how bad I want it and how frustrating it is to possibly be physically moving in the opposite direction. I had to escort a candidate around a little this morning and she and her husband and baby currently live in Durham (she’s at Duke, poor girl) but they are moving to be closer to family. So I know that we aren’t the only one’s preparing to start over in a new place to be near family. I’m sure that wherever we go, it won’t be forever and that I’ll get to live where my soul flies eventually. And please don’t get me wrong, I realize how menial and silly this all is. Home is where you make it, so long as your loved ones are there. Amen.

The point is that sometimes in life we have to do hard things that have the potential of being more magical than we could ever imagine. Not living in NC and my intense fear of heights are my two big brain hurdles at the moment. I’m almost ready to jump them and move on to whatever is next. But I’d better let my ankle heal up first.

Have a nice weekend. Go make some cookies.

Molly

Days in Daze

I've not been sleeping much this week which is kicking my ass, hardcore. Trouble is, I want to be awake. I want to stay up and watch as much TV as I can. But alas, I'm old and need my winks. Five plus hours isn't cutting it for Jane. Tonight, I sleep early.

I also haven't quite recovered from our trip to the big city this last weekend. Non-stop from leaving the house Friday morning until Sunday night when we got home. I keep going over everything in my head about potentially moving (back and forth, back and forth). What is the right move? I really love spending time with his family. I love them like I love my own. But I can tell you that two feet(+) of snow in my parents' back yard isn't helping things at all, no sir. And more is on the way in KY and WV. Really, Snow Miser? Really? Get a fucking life already. No, you get a life.

This weekend is VD Day (as my nurse mother likes to call it). Typically I'm not into the evils of commercial holidays. But after a year and a half of having a baby and a job and school, sometimes you need a cheesy excuse for a little romance. So there. Daddy and I are going out tomorrow night for dinner and a movie. And I'm making some kind of breakfast sweet on Sunday for all three of us to share. Maybe he'll surprise me and wash a few loads of laundry in lieu of flowers. And we'll be sure to give extra kisses all around so baby will be sure to enjoy VD Day.

Lets get this party started.

Its officially official, I'm registered for the SRNA (State Registered Nurse Aid) training class. Its going to be really hard (my schedule) but we are dedicated to making it work so we can push on to the next level=Nursing School.

The class takes place Monday, Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 5-9PM for a period of one month. I'll also have two full clinical days, each taking place on Saturdays. How this translates in my head is how little I'll get to see the baby on those days, which will only be in the AM. Luckily I'll get to see hubby in the PM for a little while. I also find myself thinking about how long I'll be on campus those days (13 hours) and its going to make for some long ass days. But I just remind myself that it is only a month and we'll get through it just fine.

I am in charge of my own destiny, at least this part of it.