Caffè Pretentious

Good afternoon to you,

I am writing to inform you, good people of the interwebs, that I have officially joined the most pretentious group of coffee drinkers around, the Nespresso Coffee Club. This is my beautiful new coffee maker. You insert pods and presto! In about 30 seconds you have the most insane cup of either coffee or espresso. Perfect crema, no grit, nothing but net. But see, you can only buy coffee from Nespresso (online) or eBay, which is where I failed miserably in my research. You actually have to join a club where they give you a member number. Its all ridiculous. Let me just tell you my tale.

See, my Father in law has the Nespresso D290 in red (below). Monster of a machine, about the size of Kitchen Aid mixer, that includes serious pressure and a glass water tank on the back with a filter. So you can fill it up and then don't have to touch the water until it runs out. All you do is pop in these little capsules filled with fancy coffee (with fancy Italian names) and presto, magic, the best cup of coffee you'll ever drink. I had two cups of this magic coffee every morning while on vacation in the dessert.

Having had such an ass kicking semester (in particular, my ass), I decided upon my return that I couldn't live without this coffee maker and thus began my quest to obtain one (and not pay retail for it, which is about $400-500, BTW). I searched and hunted and researched on eBay and amazon and whatever other odd-ball website I could find. I bid on about 5 different machines, but alas, I did not win one of them. Then I found a seller that sold manufacturer certified refurbished machines. Then I started researching other models that Nespresso offered. That's when I discovered the Nespresso LeCube 185. It was slightly smaller, less expensive and had 100% 5 star reviews by users. I found one at a "buy it now" price of $125 and went for it. It arrived yesterday and is beautiful. I plan on taking my picture with it and having it framed. The coffee, however, has yet to arrive. I'm hoping by Monday afternoon I'll have some.

Ok, so lets see here. I've gone from wanting to move to a more sustainable form of living by moving to a manual grinder and french press pot to the most pretentious coffee maker on the market, that costs hella dough. This thing is so pretentious that the user manual had instructions in about 5 different European languages, none of which is English. Ladies and gentleman, that's call regressing. Its also what happens when you go back to college at 31. Some things come, some things go.

I need a name for this machine. It needs to be completely pretentious. Any suggestions?