Growing Up is Hard to Do.

My name is Molly and I'm apparently still evolving.

I'm having a rough week. School is looming. I know, I know, its only June. But am starting an online stats class next week which has started dredging up the feelings I had all semester of stress, frustration and, most importantly, a fear of not seeing my kid as much as I'd like. That causes me to have to ask myself lots of questions. For example: Is this all really worth it? Will my life be that much better after I graduate or will I be working nights and still not seeing my kid between work and the recovery required after working nights? I also have a money problem. Yes, I can do student loans, but it would require me to take out around 20K+ per year to go to school and not work so that we could basically just break even but also doesn't eliminate the stress of school work hence taking away from my home life.

So here's my big epiphany: the most important thing to me is my family and having relationships with my husband and child. I do not wish to be this person who is always locked away in her office or has to constantly leave to go study something or write something or be up until 2 or 3AM to be able to squeeze everything in. Its just no way to live. Its just no way to live.

I'm still processing this and will have to learn to be ok with all of it. I'm kind of in morning about a lot of things. I'm going to try to come up with a solution or a conclusion in the next week or so. Until then, have a nice week.

Molly