I have had so many great post ideas this week...

But they have all slipped away from my mind.  I usually think of them in the car on the way home from work in the evening, I need to keep my pen and notepad out so I can jot them down. 

 Dang.   I'm so sad that this thought gets its a solo post.

Been Climbin' Out.

I've been spending the last two weeks digging myself out of a hole that I fell in this past fall and it was way deeper than I knew.  For a few days there after summer school ended, it really felt like I'd been gone for a long time and that I needed to get used to being home again.  But not in a fun, post-vacation kind of way.

I'm actually doing things again.  What things, you ask?  Things like cook dinner, watching a lot of TV, exercise, sewing, talking to old friends that I've missed dearly, visiting my family, laughing, playing with the monkey, sleeping, having a drink, day dreaming, taking care of the house, keeping up with the laundry.  These things don't seem that exciting, but when you are consumed by stress of many colors, you forget.

In all of the things I've listed above, there's a few still missing that I'm just not ready for yet: reading books and being more active on my blog/podcast.  I just don't have it in me at the moment, but I'm getting closer.  I guess my tank is empty and needs to be re-filled with experiences, hugs, laughter and contemplation. 

Sadly, I must report that the great Appalachian Roundabout of 2012 won't be happening this summer as far as I know.  The timing is off a bit with Baby Sister's WV visit, which is perfectly fine.  She's off with the Baptists at camp deep in the mountains of WV getting her own personal reboot. I might see if I can talk her in to coming down to KY for a few days next week just to play.  In about two weeks, we head off to the beach in SC.  Its a new place and we're getting excited.  You know me, I love the drive and the sites and the ocean.  Maybe I'll use vacation as my Appalachian Roundabout instead...but I may have to rename it Appalachian T-Bone instead.  I'm just excited to be back in a place where they make fresh boiled peanuts and baby crabs occasionally pinch your toes.  I must see about growing my own peanuts in KY.  Or, well, you know, move east!

Love,
Molly

Little Old White Haired Ladies

Long weekend back in the holler in WV.  Got home Friday evening to find Mom across the yard at the grandparents' house.  My mom is a saint, just for the record.  She takes care of everyone.  Grandpa had low blood pressure, ended up in the hospital on Saturday morning.  He has pneumonia and no lungs to fight it with. I'm going to try to stay positive for mom and dad. Grandma has Alzheimer's and really counts on grandpa to be there as her cornerstone.  I think its how she makes connections. His loss will be tough on her.

All these old boys are passing on leaving a slew of little old white haired ladies.  For a while, they'll have to keep each other company.  That just seems to be how it goes.  And as they pass on or their personalities change, my memories of those times long ago are shifting into a big pile that I have a hard time sorting through. Of course I have to make room for new memories, for my kid.  I am making peace with that because all of what was is a big part of who I am now and what she will be.

I thought I'd be fine after a good night's sleep, but alas I'm more beat up from this weekend than I thought.  But I won't complain too much.  After a full two days of taking care of things with Grandpa, my mom had to go to her mom's house and give her a bath.  Saint.
 

Class Act

It is done. Summer shall now begin.

All those things I've been yacking about, I'mma do now. All that extra brain space can be utilized for writing, traveling, watching TV and drinkin'. And exercise too, of course.

 I'm gonna yuck it up real good.


I think I might even throw a cigar in there too. But just one.  Because I'm a classy bitch.

Stripping Back the Crazy or The Quitter, Part 2

Jon-Boy

When my good friend Jon isn't at work to chat with me all day, I don't have any one to talk me back from a philosophical ledge or to provide me with an outlet for all the crazy that's neatly tucked away in my head.  I dedicate this post to him.  Thanks for always accepting me and all my shit. I also dedicate this post to my sister, the funniest and kindest human being I have ever met in my entire life. Thanks for making me laugh tears.

My Adorable Sister

In my latest post, "The Quitter," I mentioned all of the things I've started and subsequently quit in the last 12 months or so.  All of them fall under the category of "extreme" and require difficult and expensive life adjustments.  All of them have subsequently resulted  in my quitting said life change and ended with more of a "cutting back" philosophy.  I don't know what made me think I was capable of such changes.  In general, I'm over worked, underslept, barely making it on a tight budget.

My Grandma's Bread

 There couldn't be worse timing in my life to take on any of the following things:

• The Forks Over Knives Diet: lets just call this what it is: a VEGAN diet.  Anything that requires me to utilize something called "egg substitute" or "yeast sprinkle" to replace cheese will never, ever last. 
• P90X: These workouts last a good 1 hour 30 minutes.  I liked them.  They were fun, they made me sweat and I felt GREAT.  I also have a family, a job and I'm in school.  Getting up at 4:00AM or working out at 10:00PM is nothing shy of stupid. Talk about a fucked up internal clock.  My brain was really hating me toward the end and I was dreading each workout.  
• The In-Law/G-F Diet: My in-laws didn't really push the gluten free thing as much as the whole foods thing but it was always there on the surface.  But I'll say I've had little trouble living without bread in my life.  But at some point, I've started to miss it.  I miss the convenience of making a summer veggie pizza or whipping together some pasta on the fly.  Rice spaghetti noodles really blow.  The GF mac and cheese isn't so bad.  And then there's the issue of sandwiches.  I love a really good sandwich. Especially a Cuban at the little Cuban grocery store down the road.  I probably haven't had one of those in two years, GF or not. And corn meal in a cookie recipe does not a cookie make! But a trip to the dessert does inspire in many ways and I gave it an honest try. 

I don't want to give up meat.  I don't want to live without butter or yogurt.  I don't want to live without home made, warm crusty bread smeared with butter and blackberry jam or WV applebutter. I don't want to have to take time away from my kid so I can be sure to get my ridiculous 90 minute work out in when I can easily get at a good sweat in about 30 minutes before she rises in the AM and still get plenty of sleep.. 

Its only taken me 32 years, but I'm slowly finding some sense of balance in my life.  No matter your age, I implore you to do the same. I post this information so that maybe you can avoid some of the stupid shit I've done, like the trouble of trying, figuring out how crazy it is and then quitting.  Save your money kids and do this:

• Love what you do
• Eat healthy, mostly whole foods & Exercise
• Spend time with your family
• Surround yourself with friends of good character

  

The Quitter.

 I'd like to just get this out.  I have a tendency to sign myself up for stuff.  I've recently signed myself up for P90X program.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't pay for it, but I've been doing it.  The videos take at minimum 1 hour  per day, but really average more than 90 minutes per workout.  I'd love to have a stone cold smokin' body, but once again, getting the workouts in daily is something that weighs heavy on me stress-wise to get done and is a massive time suck.  I don't have "free time".  In order to do these workouts, I have to either get up at 4:00-4:30AM to start it our do it after my kid goes down and that means I don't start it until about 9:00 or 9:30PM, meaning I don't even finish until about 11PM. 

After the last three semesters, I just really want to chill the hell out! Its like having another part time job getting these work outs in.  I'd rather destroy my knees and start running again 3-4 times per week.  It only takes about 30 minutes and then I'm golden...and I don't feel quite so guilty for not getting it done when I can't.  I just needed to get this out to process the fact that I'm not living the kind of life that allows me 1.5-2.0 hours of workout time per day.  Especially this month when I'm technically still in school + working almost full time hours. 

This is something I do regularly: digging in deep and then quitting.  I just want a normal life where I work, get my homework done, and hang out with my family without the commitment of some workout program (or whatever the hell it is: being Vegan, Roller Derby, not using artificial sweeteners, whatever, changes with the moon).  Make sense?  It does to me and that's all that really matters.

My name is Molly.  I'm quitting.  I'm good. 

Looooove Nashville Style

Where does one begin?  Friday afternoon we had a great drive down.  Truth be told, once I got Monkey pottied, in the car, gas, through town with traffic and on the road it was 4PM.  We shot down the highway and didn't stop until we were about half way there at a rest stop.  It was a really nice, big, clean one.  Also, when we stepped out of the car we had to quickly come to grips with how fucking hot it is about 100 miles south of here!  Holy shitballs batman, it was 90 degrees and we could immediately feel our skin burning.  Not. Ready. For. All. That. 

We pulled into Le Chateau du Friend around 7:00PM.  It was perfect timing.  I whipped together a lite dinner from the pantry and fridge (with their welcome permission of course) and then we went out to water the plants and garden.  I filled the jug about half way like 15 times and helped her water stuff.  Then Monkey chased her first Lightenin' Bugs (that's Appalachian for Fireflys).  We ran all over the back yard, it was great fun.  We went in and took a bubble bath in the giant tub and we both konked out at around 9PM. Seriously.  We were soooo tired we slept in until about 6AM.

Saturday we got up and had breakfast, then we showered and headed downtown. Because everything is so different, I wanted to have a game plan on where to park and the quickest way to get from point A to point B.  They live about 5 minutes from downtown so it was perfect.  After I got my bearings and I told Lilly all about the "Church of Music" (at the Ryman of course), we drove over to south 7th and popped into Third Man Records for a little record shopping.  That would be Jack White's (formerly of the White Stripes) glorious recording studio with a little shop out front.  Glorious. I bought his new album on vinyl and I can't wait to listen all the way through.  Lilly likes dancin' to it, hooray!  Of course, Jack's taste is a smidge dark and his decor features some taxidermied birds and such.  This resulted in some awkward question and answer sessions in which I dropped the ball.  I should have said that they were just pretend, but instead tried to explain how they were alive once but died and were stuffed.  Lilly kept trying to re-explain it to me in the car and wanted to know who killed the birds.  She cried, I held her hand, then it was over.  The end.

The wedding was beautiful.  It took place in the Downtown Presbyterian Church with its ornate Egyptian revival decor and humorous pastor (a must for all weddings if you ask me). Afterward we all schlepped a few blocks over to the Berger Building for a Cinco de Mayo themed reception.  We had pulled pork for dinner, rainbow cake, there were pinatas, snacks, candy and lots of dancing.  Lilly's a kick ass dancer and just really threw down. She made lots of new friends that you'll see in pics on FB.  Super dang cute. Like, ridiculously cute.  I'm sure Erin will see and hear lots of Lilly in her wedding video.  So happy for Erin and her fella.  Erin was the first friend I made in college and is a wonderful human to know and be around.  She's got a great family and lots of good friends and I feel blessed to have been a part of that special night. 

Going to Nashville and getting to kind of wander a round and see the folks that I used to hang with before we moved, it brought up some stuff and I've about worked through it.  I really did love living there.  Its too bad its so far from home because I honestly wouldn't mind living there now (although downtown seems to resemble Myrtle Beach more and more....if you've never been to Myrtle Beach, that's what we call the Redneck Riviera). Its just weird thinking about how I walked away from my life there and my friends and didn't really look back.  Of course, lots of life events happened around that time to distract me, but still.  Thank goodness for the internet and pushy, unrelenting, forgiving friends.  Amen. 

In short, it made me realize how much I've missed and how much I love my dear, dear friends from the college/early-adult years.  I need to do a better job of keeping up with everyone, daunting as that may seem.  I just hope they know that I love them and I miss them all the damn time.

One trip down, LOTS more ahead.  Happy Monday.

Love,
Molly

Summer Plans Arise from the Ashes

• Appalachian Roundabout:  A wild and wooly road trip starring Myself, Baby-Sister and the Monkey (Petite Bebe). A "girls trip," if you will.  So far, the plan is to start in KY and travel in a circle to see family starting in OH, then WV, then NC, then back to KY.  We're hammering out details and dates.  We will be posting some notes, pics and interviews from the road. I promise to deliver the goods this time. I'll have help this time around so you should anticipate some excellent summer entertainment for my faithful 5 readers/listeners. Truth be told, I'm desperate to drive over those misty mountains when the sun comes up. Picture credit to Chatchai. Dude has some amazing photos, so go have a look.

• Vacation to the Beach: My immediate lovies, the parents and Baby Sister will be gathering in South Carolina (gasp!) for our annual summer beach trip.  We're "trying something different" according to mom.  My prediction is that this place is exactly the same as our usual spot in NC, just further south.  As always, you'll get my full post vacation commentary and review.

• Summer Kick-off Trip to Nash-Vegas: This weekend, Monkey and I start our summer of fun by attending a wedding in my beautiful, former Nashville, TN.  We will be heading out Friday evening after work/school and driving 3 hours south west.  My dear friends have offered their home for us despite being out of town in FL.  I'll be going solo, so I don't think I'll have time for much other than keeping the Monkey entertained. Better remember to pack the Tinker-Bell night light.  We're finishing off the weekend with Sunday breakfast at the Loveless Cafe.  Its a place that I actually lived fairly close to but never got to go.  Its likely the breakfast of my dreams and Gluten Free living will be off the menu that morning.  Biscuits are eminent.
• Other trips happening but not on the books yet.  Stay tuned. 
  

Go have a gander at our Roundabout loop and make suggestions. Leave suggestions in the comments box below. Sites to see or, more importantly, eats to eat!


 I'm so happy to have time to write/daydream again.  More in a few!

Semester in the Rear View

Another painful, taxing semester of nursing school is behind me.  I can almost relax but I don't have yesterday's final grade posted yet.  This semester was focused on Pediatrics and OB.  OB was big for me because that was the experience that drew me into nursing in the first place.  Now that I've seen it, I don't think that's my thing.  It's still very interesting and its amazing just how many things can go wrong in pregnancy, labor and delivery and in the postpartum period. Peds is an absolute NO-GO for me. Not after a kid who will never ever get to taste food again because of swallowing some toxic chemicals used in the family meth lab.  No thanks. I think I prefer med-surg and oncology nursing.  Hopefully I'll get to do my intensive "synthesis" semester in that area.

I do have a summer course starting next week, but it only lasts about a month and I'm not sweating it.  Hopefully I can breeze through it and get it behind me.  Microbiology.  Jealous much?  I thought so.

More shows coming very soon to an iTunes download near you.  Road trips.  Vacations.  Kiddy pools.  Bourbony drinks and boiled peanuts.  Stay tuned! 

Survival for Purpose

I think regularly about the word survival.  I have almost survived 1.5 years of nursing school.  That's 3 whole semesters.  We don't really make enough money to make ends meet, but we do survive thanks to things like student loans and bitchin' tax returns.  Sure, I get tired of living right under the wire, but I continually remind myself that in one more year, I'll be a straight up survivor. Let me tell you a little about my life and the roles I play: 

• Wife, daughter, sister, friend
• Mother to a 3 year old Petit Bebe
• Part time employee in an administrative office
• Full time Nursing student
• House keeper/meal planner/grocery buyer
• Clothes washer/dryer/put-away-er
• Household bill payer/accountant/panic-er
• Event/trip planner

I am in no way attempting to induce sympathy or declare my martyrdom.  For I do not exceed at all of these things.  In fact, I fail regularly in most of the above categories.  Lets count the ways:

• Monthly forget to pay a bill
• Wait until clothes are piled all over the house to start laundry...or clean house
• Forget to call my family for weeks at a time despite their attempts at contact due to stress-induced poor attention span
• Argue regularly with my husband about everything
• Forget to do things at work d/t constant studying or day dreaming
• Get angry at husband for playing on the internet when he could be doing dishes
• Over scheduling myself (at work/school/home) so that I lack time to just kick back and watch a movie with my old man on the couch
• I am almost NEVER in the moment

The young people I go to school with often list all of my responsibilities to me and follow it up with a "girl, I don't know how you do it all" or "wow, you have a lot of responsibilities".  I usually just kind of nod and sigh, because what else can I say?  I don't know why I signed up for school the semester after my daughter was born, I just new that I had to do it.  It came to me like i've always dreamed my life's purpose would: like a bolt of lightening to the forehead.  Right after delivering Petit Bebe, I just thought "wow, this nurse is really amazing....I need to give this back to the universe." Its been hard, these last 3 years of school and learning to be a mother, but I know that the payoff for me and my family is huge.  And nothing has been more reaffirming to me that this is what I'm meant to do than coming to school, digging my heels in and learning.  Its almost the hardest thing I've ever done and I love it. 

Two semesters to go.  We will survive them.